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S5 E13

Two and a Half Men · Season 5, Episode 13

“The Soil is Moist” quotes from Two and a Half Men

5 quotes

“The Soil is Moist” · Season 5, Episode 13

In this episode: Charlie (5), Alan (3), Jake (1), Berta (1), Herb (1)

CCynthia

Hi, Jake! Look how big you're getting!

It's called "puberty".

It's called "doughnuts".

Doughnuts don't make hair.

[Herb is gardening]

How do you feel about bushes, Herb?

Well... I like a full bush. The way God intended.

I like 'em trimmed.

Judith said Cynthia wouldn't go out with me, and she was wrong, so, [high-pitched]: ha!

Hey, I told you she would go out with you.

And you were right, sir! I ignore you at my own peril when it comes to women, liquor, and venereal disease.

Huh. So you're saying Farmer Herb's tilling soil you couldn't even get your hoe into.

M-- My hoe?

Yeah, you know with an "e"? "Hoe"?

What's his [Herb's] secret? How does he do it?

Maybe he's got a big trouser monkey.

Have you been listening this whole time?

Wouldn't you?

You think she's right? You-- you think he's just... well-endowed?

Could be. He's about six-four, got big hands... if everything else is proportional, I'm guessing he could ring doorbells with that thing.

You're not helping.

I rarely do.

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