Two and a Half Men · Season 4, Episode 1
[Charlie is in bed with three women]
Listen, I-- I really need to talk to you. Can you come downstairs?
Sure. Give me... an hour and a half.
An hour and a half?
I know it's a little rushed, but we're on a tight schedule here! Tina's got homework, Cindy's got to meet her fiancé, and Marie... well, Marie's on the clock.
You already had two women in bed and you felt the need to call a professional?
Better safe than sorry.
Even though Mom stopped loving you and Kandi stopped loving you, you don't have to worry about me.
Thanks, pal!
You're my dad. I pretty much gotta love you.
[Alan is lying on his bed looking sad]
I just want to be alone.
Well you don't need me, it's your home run swing.
Just close the door on the way out.
Fine I'll close it, then I'll nail it shut, plaster it over and hang over it a picture of something a little more cheerful, like a plane crash.
All right, I didn't want to have to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
[goes to the phone]
What are you gonna do?
Something I hoped I'd never have to do.
You don't mean...
I'm afraid so. [on the phone]: Hello? Mom?
[Cut to Alan lying in bed. There's a knock on the door. Alan looks up]
God, what plague have you set upon me now?
Alan? It's Mommy!
Good one.
Thanks for taking Jake back to Judith's.
No problem. Sorry I had to send Mom in there.
No, no, you, uh... you did the right thing. I needed a good slap in the face. Although with Mom it's more like a nailgun to the testicles.
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