[Alan shows Charlie the drawing that got Jake kicked out of school]
The girl went home in tears, her mother is on the warpath, and Jake could get expelled.
It's considered sexual harassment. The school has a zero-tolerance policy.
Oh, for the good old days, when you could wander into a girls' locker room pretending you were blind.
You actually did that? That's horrible!
No, the horrible part was stealing the dog from the blind kid.
Well, unfortunately, times have changed, and we no longer live in a Porky's movie.
I just have to accept the fact that I-- I can't count on anyone, least of all an emotionally immature narcissist who thinks that the sun rises out of his navel and sets in his scrotum, and only cares about what lies between the two.
OK, I'm no expert, but that sounds a lot like grinding.
[at Alan's chiropractic office]
So this is where you come every day, huh?
Yep, for eleven years. What do you think?
I would have killed myself ten and a half years ago.
OK, now all you have to do is sit here, and when the phone rings, pick it up and say, "Dr. Harper's office."
So right off the bat, I lie?
Yeah, and I'm king of the traffic doughnuts.
[Alan realizes the buxom woman sitting next to him outside the principal's office is the mother of the subject of Jake's drawing]
Oh, (laughs ), you must be Boobra's mom.
(instantly realizes his Freudian slip, tries to recover with:)
Barbara's mams.
(shuts his eyes in embarrassment, then greets her with a sheepish:)
Hi!
You know, in some countries, you're innocent until proven guilty.
And that country you're thinking of is this one , genius!
[large chested, scary housekeeper, sternly talks to Jake] So, you like making fun of girls with big boobs.
[looking pale into her large breasts] Not any more.
OK, OK, I had hoped that we could have a spirited exchange of ideas here, but if we are going to just degenerate into name calling, perhaps we should wait for the principal to decide what a reasonable punishment for my son would be.
M Mindy
[Barbara Schmidt's busty mother] Fine. We'll let the principal decide.
[The principal, another large-breasted woman, enters the hall from her office]
P Principal
I'm Principal Gallagher.
[defeated] Oh, God, my boy's going to get the chair.
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