Charlie and Alan in “Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover”

So this is where you come every day, huh?

Yep, for eleven years. What do you think?

I would have killed myself ten and a half years ago.

OK, now all you have to do is sit here, and when the phone rings, pick it up and say, "Dr. Harper's office."

So right off the bat, I lie?

I am a doctor, Charlie.

Yeah, and I'm king of the traffic doughnuts.