J-Roc! Listen, Julian got out of jail early, he doesn't even know we're growing weed. I gotta create a distraction, J-Roc. Can you please let me say we got this car for him as a present?
Bubbles, this is my brand-new whip, muhfucka! Don't do that to me, you know what I'm sayin'?
Come on, J-Roc! I'm in a jam. I got an idea...two grams of blonde Lebanese hash?
Let me check this shit out...
[drops the hash] Shit! [hands J-Roc the hash] Check that out.
Bubbles, that ain't even blonde, you know what I'm sayin', muhfucka... [smells the hash]
It's dirty blonde though! Look, it's got blonde streaks into it, it's Lebanese...
All right, Bubbles. Don't say I didn't have your back, you know what I'm sayin'?
Julian, I'm craving some Chalet take-out. Come on. My treat?
And then we're gettin' drunk, all right?
Man, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken, man. Get me a quarter chicken dinner, extra gravy.
DDVS
Fo' sho'. Quarter chicken dinner, french fries, onion rings.
Chicken-rib combo, extra roll, B.
Boys, boys, come off it! This is distraction chicken I'm buying Julian!
Oh, so now I'm like, "You got my whip," you know what I'm sayin', "But I ain't got no chicken!"
Are you really this fuckin' stupid?
GGeorge
Let's talk about stupid, Jim. I'm gonna put this in a way that even someone like you can understand. Remember the story of the little boy who cried wolf? In case you forgot, he was a little boy who cried for help because he said there was a wolf after him. Each time the people of the village came running, and each time there was no wolf. Eventually they got really tired of it. So when he calls for help because there's a real wolf after him, nobody takes him seriously. Nobody comes because nobody cares. Do you see where I'm going with this, Jim?
George, I know it looks like I'm off the---
[George interrupts him]
GGeorge
Listen. What we have here, Jim, is a shit wolf. Do you know what a shit wolf is? You never seem to have that crucial little thing called evidence. But each time you cry shit wolf, and each time I come running. No more, Jim. Never again.
GGeorge
Now, I want you to tell me what the moral of the story is.
GGeorge
No. Say it, Jim. Say it.
GGeorge
That's right. Now get your sorry ass out of here, or you're spending the night in the drama tank.
Here's a little piece of hash. Go to the stove, do some hot knives, get stoned, and get to work.
I can't get stoned, Ricky
What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads. Get stoned, it'll be fun. Get to work.
How's it going, Randy? Did you get everything done?
Almost. Are those my burgers, Ricky? That's my burger, right?
No, Barb made these for me.
I want my fuckin' burger, Rick!
Randy, I'll get yours later. You didn't finish your job.
[Randy tries to take the burger out of Ricky's hand]
You get the fuckin' chicken chips-
[Randy grabs the burger and tries to eat it as Ricky starts choking him]
Fuckin' asshole! Give me that back, you fuckin' dick! Let go of it! Stop grabbing it!
[Jim sees Ricky from his back view, making it look like Randy is trying to perform oral sex on him]
Get your hands of it! Get your fuckin' hands of it!
[Lahey trips and accidently shoots the arrow towards Ricky and Randy. Ricky gets shot in the back of his shoulder with the arrow]
[in pain] FUCK! What the fuck?! Ah, Jesus Christ!
[Ricky takes out his gun and starts shooting aimlessly]
What are you doing?! Give me that!
I'm trying to shoot whoever fuckin' shot me!
Randy, how could you do that?
What you were doing with Ricky?
I wasn't doing anything with Ricky.
Is that a fuckin' bow and...you fuckin' shot me!
It was an accident, Ricky. I was trying to shoot a blue jay.
I'll show you a fuckin' blue jay!
Ricky, it was an accident! Listen, you can call the cops on Lahey for getting shot with an arrow, but he can call the cops on you for firing a handgun out in the trailer park. They cancel out.
That doesn't even make sense, Julian.
I don't have the right people words to make you understand the way it means to me, but something's fucked up here!
[Bubbles lightly tries to pull out the arrow]
Ricky AGHHHH!!! FUUUCK!!!
[Julian pushes Ricky away as he grunts in pain]
Ricky, you owe me two double cheeseburgers for cleaning up Julian's trailer!
I never said doubles, Randy! I never said fuckin' doubles! Where's my chocolate milk and chicken chips?!
[to Randy] Fuck you and fuck your cheeseburgers!
Everybody calm down! For fuck's sakes! Is this all about cheeseburgers?!
Well, Randy, I've got burger meat and cheese at my shed. I'll cook some up for you on the barbeque if that'll diffuse the situation.
Boys, I feel like I got hit by a fuckin' dump truck. How much would a massage thing cost me, do you figure?
Look, Julian, I know I'm dumb as fuck and stuff, but why can't we just steal more furniture and fill up these trailers with furniture and fuckin' open like a used furniture store or some shit?
Used furniture store's not a bad idea, Julian. Keep Lahey and Randy distracted, make a few bucks.
Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.
We're gonna fill the trailers up with furniture all right, boys, but we're gonna rent them out by the hour.
That's really fuckin' greasy.
Well, I don't know much about this stuff, Julian.
DDVS
They're good hos, man. They're good hos, I'm tellin' ya.
What other choice do we have? He says they're good hos.
All right, all right, done. Three o'clock.
DDVS
I'll see you then. I'll be waitin' here with the hos, homie.
It's not a sling, J-Roc, it's duct tape. Just get the hos.
J-Roc, where's this guy at anyway?
Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?
What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?
Well, well, well. If it isn't the big, tough Julianne. The Hubble Bubble Telescope. And Helmet Head.
Fuckin' call me a telescope.
Ladies! The boss is home. It's been a long time no see, dick weeds. (pulls a gun)
Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus?
[chambers a round] Why don't we fuck on?
[walks out of the trailer] Julian, where's the hand cream?
[takes a man's bag of chips out of his hand] I know one of you dickheads did this to my car, 'cause you're the only ones who know I failed Grade 10.
[points his gun towards the Roc Pile] Fuck off! [points to his car, which has been vandalized with graffiti] And what's this, "I'm a fuckhead"? Huh?
Actually, it says "I'm fucked in the head," 'cause you are.
Ricky, where the fuck are Cory and Trevor? I said I wanted them back an hour ago.
I don't fucking know. They went home two hours ago. They told me.
Well, I don't have them, you must still have them.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT! I PAID FOR A LADY, NOT FUCKING CORY AND TREVOR!
