You gonna be a great big star, Gee! Muhfuckas in Russia... Why do you think Reveen does so good over there? You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna be bigger than Reveen! Put that shit on, get your freak on, it's all good!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You know'm sayin' everybody that walk on the face of the Earth tryin' to judge the J-Roc, know'm sayin'? See wha'm sayin'? But I ain't shook, 'cause muhfuckas tryin' to take me out and stuff, but they can't, right? Know'm sayin'?
You're sayin' "know what I'm sayin'" too many times! 80 or 90 times? That's too many times! Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, man?
What are you, from the Department of Know'm Sayin's? You takin' a Know'm Census? You countin' my Know'm Sayin's? We're hangin' out, right?
80 or 90 times? That's too many Know'm Sayin's, know'm sayin'?
See wha'm sayin' you're ridin' on my jock, you know'm sayin'? I'm just tryin' to have a good time, you know'm sayin'? And you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's!
That's too many times. Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, know'm sayin'? No...
How am I supposed to be myself when you're countin' my Know'm Sayin's all the time, you know'm sayin'?
VVictoria
J-Roc, I think you're saying it way too much.
Sayin' what?
[all three simultaneously]
Know'm sayin'?
Know'm sayin'.
VVictoria
Know'm sayin'.
The whole idea of it's got me pretty damn frisky, too! It's been, uh...been quite a while since that stuff went on with me. I'm really frisky!
[filming From Russia With the Love Bone]
VVictoria
Gee, Stacy, I bet we could get like $12,000 for this on the open market.
[bad Russian accent] Everybody freeze. What's going on here?
SStacy
Maybe there's something that we can work out, Sergeant, yes?
[Stacy drops and begins unbuckling Ricky's pants]
Ah, maybe there is, yes.
Sergeant Boris, what's going on here?
Corporal Alexi, we found the motorcycle bandits. They want to work something out.
That's them, is it? Let's get it on, then!
[Stacy gives Ricky (censored) oral sex, but he can't get it up]
Testicle difficulties, please stand by.
[normal voice] J-Roc, I can't do this. I'm thinking about Lucy, and...I don't know what's...I...I need about 5 minutes here.
Aight. Aight, cut.
Aight, Soft Serve. Here's what I'm talkin' about. You can't do the X-to-the-X-to-the-X. So we gonna do some SC witcha candy, that's softcore, right? Know what I'm sayin'? It's still gonna play in hotels and all that, and you're still gonna be a star. But Bubbles, you ain't havin' no troubles. You wanna get with her?
Well, if it's okay with her, I certainly would.
That aight?
SStacy
Yeah, that's cool.
Aight.
SStacy
Don't be nervous, Bubbles. I'll take good care of you.
[Ricky is trying to threaten Jim into relinquishing the porno tape]
Just remember, Lahey, what comes around is all around.
Don't you mean what's all around comes around, Ricky?
This isn't fuckin' over yet.
That's nice talk to use on television, eh? Don't forget you started this shitstorm, Limpy!
[Julian, listening to his phone messages]
Julian! It's Ricky here. Just letting you know that, uh, I've thought about this, I feel I have no other options. I'm gonna go down to Lahey's trailer, I'm gonna break in, and I'm basically probably gonna kill Mr. Lahey, and I'm thinking about killing Randy as well, and I'm gonna take the porno tape back. I've talked to Bubbles about it. He's probably gonna give me a hand because we both can't have this tape floating around. So, anyway, you know, I was kind of counting on you to maybe help plan this, but if you don't want to, that's up to you. I just hope you won't feel guilty when me and Bubbles are in jail and you know that you could have prevented a murder. Talk to you later.
[Jim is smoking a cigarette. Cuts to the Shitmobile playing music, which stops before cutting back to Jim and Randy. Julian throws his water bottle out of the Shitmobile.]
Made it. Look, he just friggin' littered right in the park for god sakes.
The son of a bitch.
What an asshole.
I don't. Eye. Eye. Goddamn cigarettes everything.
[Ricky flips Jim off]
See, they're just lookin. They're trying to get us goin', eh?
I--you know. You know, do you know what recidivism is, Randy?
I don't have a clue, Mr. Lahey.
That's when people go back to jail over and over and over. I think we got a couple of A1 class act recidivists up there. Look at him.
[Ricky gets out of the Shitmobile to make the Fuckmobile stop]
Fuck off!
I shot my Daddy in the bum and Mummy's gonna get mad at me.
[Trinity takes a bite of a weed brownie]
These taste funny!
[Trinity throws the weed brownie into the yard]
[Julian is driving Ricky and the dog after Ricky got shot and the dog ate weed brownies]
It's not my fault. You're the one that left the dog with me. I didn't wanna look after him anyway.
Ricky, Ricky, I was gone for forty-five minutes.
Look, I'm bleeding to death here. Just get me to a doctor and shut up!
Oh, take you to the doctor. What's gonna happen? The police will get involved Ricky. Think!
I don't give a--I'M BLEEDIN' TO DEATH HERE! YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT! LOOK AT MY ASS!
I don't care about your ass, Ricky! I gotta call Levi.
LEVI?! FUCK LEVI! I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!
Listen Ricky. If that dog dies, I swear to God I'll let you bleed to death, all right?!
I don't give a fuck about the dog, all right?!
SHUT UP!
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?! ME OR THE DOG?!
SHUT UP!
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT?!
SHUT UP!
[Julian dials Levi's number on the cordless phone]
Fuckin' bleedin' to death here!
Come on, Levi.
[Levi answers]
Levi, thank God. I got a situation on my hands here.
You fuckin' asshole. What the fuck were you doing eating my brownies?
Ricky has a bullet in his ass and he fed the dog a bunch of weed brownies.
I DIDN'T FEED THE DOG BROWNIES!
YOU FED THE DOG!
HE ATE THEM!
SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE, RICKY!
I NEED FUCKIN'!
SHUT UP!
THIS IS FUCKED UP!
[Ricky and Julian are trying to break into a barn to steal a riding lawnmower]
Here you go. Break in.
[Hands Ricky a crowbar]
Why do I have to break in?
Because this is all your fault and I'm in charge! Hurry up!
It's your fault. You gave me the dog, you idiot.
Hurry up!
[Ricky takes the crowbar and pries the door open, an alarm sounds]
Jesus Christ!
[Ricky draws a pistol and shoots into the barn, silencing the alarm]
Who the fuck puts an alarm system in a barn? Fuckin' idiots!
[Ricky and Julian are struggling to push the lawn mower out of the barn. Ricky falls down and an inflatable raft falls down on top of him. He gets up and angrily slams the raft back up against the wall while the sound man leans over the lawn mower, attempting to catch it all.]
[Ricky grabs the boom mic]
Hey, retard! Can you hear me? I need a hand in here! Come fuckin' help us!
[The sound man puts the lawn mower into neutral, allowing them to push it easily]
Oh, it's in neutral now. Well, sorry I'm not so smart. I didn't know that.
[Farmer comes out with a shotgun]
Let's go. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the fuck is that guy? What do you want?
Relax, Ricky.
Ricky What do you want?
FFarmer
WHAT'S GOING ON?!
Nothing.
[Farmer shoots at them]
SGSound Guy
FUCK! AH FUCK!
WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
Get in the truck!
SGSound Guy
I'M FUCKING SHOT! Ahh, fuck!
[Julian drags Sound Guy in the truck]
RICKY, GET IN THE TRUCK!
SGSound Guy
FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK!
GET IN THE TRUCK!
SGSound Guy
FUCK! Cover me, man! I'm fucking shot again here!
[Julian fires off shots]
SGSound Guy
I'M FUCKING SHOT!
HOLD YOUR FIRE! SOMEBODY'S HURT HERE!
[Ricky and Julian are driving home, only to be met at the entrance to Sunnyvale by Lahey and Randy. Randy is shining a bright light right at them.]
Oh, for fucks sakes. [sighs] Fucking kidding me!
[Peering into Julian's truck] And how's our little gunshot victim tonight?
Ricky What's this shit?
It is my duty to inform you…
[Two kids carrying glass bottles approach the front gate on bikes and skateboards. Randy quickly notices.]
Bottle kids!
[Julian, Ricky, Randy, and Lahey take cover]
Jesus!
[The kids throw their bottles at Julian’s windshield, shattering upon impact]
Christ!
[The kids make their getaway]
Get back here, you little buggers!
Go deal with that, Lahey, instead of worrying about us!
Just relax, Ricky. We're taking care of it.
Knock knock, boys.
Who's there?
[Ricky gives them two middle fingers directly in their faces]
You can't be sittin' in the middle of the road drinkin'. It's against the law.
Guys, guys! Break it up! [runs into the middle of Ricky, Lahey and Randy arguing]
You give me that beer back!
Ricky, shut up!
This is drunk and disorderly!
You owe me a twelve-pack of beer, asshole!
Ricky! Would you guys stop it!? Lahey. Lahey, Ricky, get over--
I do not believe how stupid these guys are. Like father, like stupid son.
Lahey--
[Ricky bumps into a beer box]
What?
Lahey, get him off the street.
We've been trying to get him off the damn street.
Well, get him out of here. [pushes Randy away] Go mow some lawns or something, you greasy bastard.
Hey Lahey, you want a smoke? [holds the cigarette to his waist] 'Cause I got one right fuckin' here for you, buddy-boy.
Ricky-- [drags him away]
You got one joke in your resitory, do you, Rick?
[points to Jim] You owe a beer, [points to Randy] and you owe me a beer, you assholes!
Come on, Randy.
Don't you have some offs to fuck there, boys?
What?
Fuck off!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Trailer Park Boys pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.