[upon seeing Richard's car and finding out that James has gone over budget] So we're not three wise men, we're one wise man, an idiot and a cheat.
“Top Gear: Nativity Special (December 26th, 2010)” · Season 16
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (14), James May (14), Richard Hammond (7)
[debating where they're landing]
Is it China?
Well, if they came from the east, Norfolk.
Well, I tell you something, wherever the hell that is, it's not Norwich.
[in the transport plane, with the back open while they were still in the air] Hammond! Put your handbrake on!
[Richard is first off the plane, but the others don't follow him]
YOU BASTARDS!
[to Jeremy, who's in front of him] Did you stall?
[feigning innocence] Yes, I did!
[a little later, after a rush from the landing plane]
Did you make it?
I'm alive! I'm hiding in a big shed!
[after Jeremy suggest to get out of Iraq as quickly as possible by going towards the Iranian border]
Hang on, isn't - Bethlehem's over here, isn't it? (while pointing at Bethlehem on the map)
JJJeremy and James
Yeah.
Well, that's the way we want to go.
Yes, through places like Mosul and Baghdad perhaps. Have you ever seen a television programme called The News?
Well, I'm aware of it.
Trust me, Mosul is properly dangerous.
That's really bad, isn't it.
That's as bad as it gets anywhere in the world right now.
And that where we are? (pointing at Arbil on the map) That's where it's really bad?
We are - less than a finger's width away. So up there (pointing to the map), into Iran, into Turkey, and then down there and that way, so we miss - we can get out of Iraq and then go 'round it.
Sounds like a plan.
So the wise men from the east are setting off east. Northeast.
Can I just say, if I'm kidnapped, I don't want to hear any of this, ‘Well, you know we, we don't give in to kidnap demands'. Just pay. I don't want to be beheaded on the Internet.
I'm not going round-- [Richard uses his car to push Jeremy] I am going round the-- Hammond! Don't be an arse! Hammond, stop it!
[after fixing his BMW, being followed by many children] What I couldn't have done without those meddling kids.
[voiceover] We pulled over by a roadside market that had a waterfall and a river in it.
[voiceover] I brought in our special weapons man who had learned in the armed forces how to have a pixellated face.
[after learning they couldn't enter Iran being from the BBC] I bet the original three wise men never had this problem.
But they weren't BBC were they?
[to the tune of ‘We Three Kings'] We three kings from orient afar,
One in a Vauxhall, two in sports cars…
[pointing to his large spotlight] This is the Light of the World.
[before plunging into a ditch] Follow me! [a few seconds later he gets stuck] Don't follow me!
[on being in the Nativity Play as a child] I was a shepherd because I had a dressing gown.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.