Top Gear · Season 10
[on the qualifying in the night]
[voiceover] Then it was Jeremy's turn.
Holy cow, I can't see a thing...
[voiceover] He tried to cure the lack of visibility with speed.
I just took Bridge Corner flat, first time I...oh, I'm off! People behind me must be thinking, "Who is this clown?"
[When Jeremy attempts to talk with The Stig after the car broke down]
Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
[When James May was in the car for the first time]
The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
[voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
I've overtaken someone!
[During the night in the race, Jeremy is in the driver's seat]
I'm coming up behind those Italians in the 1 Series! Look at this, it's neck on neck...now he's come across my nose! We saved you from the Germans, and that's what I get?!
[talking into his radio] Don't wreck the car!
[while The Stig is at the wheel]
...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
[before the Fiat 500 vs. BMX race in Budapest, James talks about his competition, a pair of BMX cyclists] These wasters just ride around all day like those kids in the ET film. So to borrow the phrase from the ancient philosopher Clarksonius, 4th Century BC: "How hard can it be?"
[after losing to the cyclists at Budapest] Oh, cock! In Hungarian.
[at the end of the race, back in the hangar]
Can I just say, that was the hardest thing we've ever done - being nice to each other for 24 hours.
Well, you know when you pulled up in the pits and you said "Good luck, mate", I nearly crashed!
Ooh, I felt dirty saying it, mate; it was wrong.
Still, we ended up coming third in our class...
...out of five...
...out of five, yes, and we finished 39th out of 46, [turning to James] partly actually because you drove so slowly!
Ooh, now, come on a minute...
Actually, hang on, you risked us not finishing at all by driving like an idiot in that last stint...
No, but wait, we would have finished 10th, mathematical certainty, if you hadn't hit that Mosler! We would have been 10th!
You said it wasn't my fault...
I was being nice, I didn't mean it...
Hey, this is more like it, isn't it? Normal service is being resumed!
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: The great, the good and the rubbish on the Top Gear Awards. We go on a motoring holiday with The Stig. And Doctor Who travels through space and time a bit more slowly than usual.
[shouting during his speed lap] Speed up!
[on the Stig]
Some say that as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool, and he is, he is actually.
[on the Stig]
Now for this race, I shall pilot the little remote control car, because to get the best out of the G-Wiz for this test, it needs to be controlled by our finest driver: someone who has never sat on Santa's knee; someone who's never watched Moonraker on Boxing Day. [Which was indeed shown three days later on Boxing day by the BBC's main rivals ITV]
[on the old Jaguar S-Type]
You see, Mr. Jonathan Foreigner has this ridiculously outdated view of what Britain is. He thinks we all live in Anne Hathaway's cottage and then go out to Ye Olde Tea Rooms where we eat some Kendal mint cake. And then maybe we'll go out and find a red phone box and ring up some Beefeaters at the Tower of London to see if we can have our bowler hats back. It's rubbish!
[Nominees for the 'Lifetime Achievement Award']
Ken Livingstone for deciding that if you earn a living and pay tax and spend some of what's left on a car; and then pay Value Added Tax on that, and then buy some Road Fund Licence Tax to put the car on the road, and then pay Fuel Duty Tax on the fuel and Value added tax on that Fuel Duty tax, You should then pay 25 pounds - TAX! - to drive into the centre of the capital.
[David Tennant looking in the wing mirror on his power lap]
Why am I looking in the wing mirror? There's no one behind me!
[On David Tennant's inability to find third gear on his lap]
Do you know where third gear was after that? It was all over the track.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
