[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: We take part in our first ever motor race. James tests the new Fiat 500 near some youths on bicycles. And the Ascari A10. Just how fast is this thing?
“December 9th, 2007” · Season 10, Episode 9
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (10), Richard Hammond (6), James May (6)
[on the BMW 330d they bought to convert it into a racing car]
This is the car we enrolled. It's a BMW 330d, four years old, done 45.000 miles, we paid 11 grand for it. And now, we must turn it into a racing car by [he pauses, then continues uncertainly] ...bolting lots of racing car bits to it.
[on the Stig]
Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
[on the qualifying]
What if I have to get out of somebody's way to let him go by...
...I don't know, I don't know...
This is without any question or shadow of doubt the scariest thing I've ever done.
Yes...
I've broken my zip.
Richard [irritated]: That's bad?
[two hours before the race is scheduled to start, James comes up to Jeremy and Richard]
Whatever you do, don't do downstairs and look at the car. It's got no front end. No lights, no radiator, no bumper, no splitter, no front of the engine, no bonnet. That fuel pump thing is right in the bowels of the thing. They've got the whole front off. It's like trying to repair something in France from this end of the Channel Tunnel.
[Jeremy and Richard come downstairs to the garage]
James will be exaggerating... [sees the car] James isn't exaggerating. [we see the car, which has indeed got no front end] And it's leaking. I watch Formula One a lot, and I've never seen a Formula One car, two hours before a race, looking like that.
[on the qualifying in the night]
[voiceover] Then it was Jeremy's turn.
Holy cow, I can't see a thing...
[voiceover] He tried to cure the lack of visibility with speed.
I just took Bridge Corner flat, first time I...oh, I'm off! People behind me must be thinking, "Who is this clown?"
[When Jeremy attempts to talk with The Stig after the car broke down]
Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
[When James May was in the car for the first time]
The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
[voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
I've overtaken someone!
[During the night in the race, Jeremy is in the driver's seat]
I'm coming up behind those Italians in the 1 Series! Look at this, it's neck on neck...now he's come across my nose! We saved you from the Germans, and that's what I get?!
[talking into his radio] Don't wreck the car!
[while The Stig is at the wheel]
...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
[before the Fiat 500 vs. BMX race in Budapest, James talks about his competition, a pair of BMX cyclists] These wasters just ride around all day like those kids in the ET film. So to borrow the phrase from the ancient philosopher Clarksonius, 4th Century BC: "How hard can it be?"
[after losing to the cyclists at Budapest] Oh, cock! In Hungarian.
[at the end of the race, back in the hangar]
Can I just say, that was the hardest thing we've ever done - being nice to each other for 24 hours.
Well, you know when you pulled up in the pits and you said "Good luck, mate", I nearly crashed!
Ooh, I felt dirty saying it, mate; it was wrong.
Still, we ended up coming third in our class...
...out of five...
...out of five, yes, and we finished 39th out of 46, [turning to James] partly actually because you drove so slowly!
Ooh, now, come on a minute...
Actually, hang on, you risked us not finishing at all by driving like an idiot in that last stint...
No, but wait, we would have finished 10th, mathematical certainty, if you hadn't hit that Mosler! We would have been 10th!
You said it wasn't my fault...
I was being nice, I didn't mean it...
Hey, this is more like it, isn't it? Normal service is being resumed!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.