Top Gear · Season 10
[on the Stig]
Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[speculating on the survey responses that led a Toyota marketing survey to imply that 28% of Europeans want their cars to make them feel ill]
That doesn't seem - "Oh, I love my Mondeo because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy, and that's a good thing in my life!"
"I chose Porsche because it brings on rectal prolapse."
It is a bit cold in here though.
It is cold in here, it's sharp.
I'm surprised - I know you guys make a lot of money, can you afford a heater?
[definitively] No. Because we have all the money.
[singing badly] Weeeeeee're all going daahn the pub! (aping a Sham 69 song)
[On the 2007 Malaysian Grand Prix]
...and you put one in on Massa, didn't you?
Yeah, Massa and Kimi.
Was Kimi drunk?
I dunno - I should have asked him, actually, because he was really on the left - this was Malaysia and he was really on the left, so I could outbrake him.
[singing in slurred Finnish accent] "I win this race and then I go down pu-ub... Who pass me? Oh, that's that new boy gone past..."
It is actually quite exciting when you're flying headfirst into a barrier - the initial part, the initial part is actually quite fun, especially when you hit the gravel trap and you get some air, and then you see it coming and you think 'erk - it's gonna hurt!'
[During Hamilton's lap]
C'mon man! [looking at the speedo] 56 miles an hour, what the...?
[During Hamilton's lap]
Look at the grip... This thing will put a Formula 1 car to shame!
It won't! It won't, it won't, it won't!
[During Hamilton's lap, Lewis begins to sing]
Are you taking this seriously?
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: We take part in our first ever motor race. James tests the new Fiat 500 near some youths on bicycles. And the Ascari A10. Just how fast is this thing?
[on the BMW 330d they bought to convert it into a racing car]
This is the car we enrolled. It's a BMW 330d, four years old, done 45.000 miles, we paid 11 grand for it. And now, we must turn it into a racing car by [he pauses, then continues uncertainly] ...bolting lots of racing car bits to it.
[on the Stig]
Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
[on the qualifying]
What if I have to get out of somebody's way to let him go by...
...I don't know, I don't know...
This is without any question or shadow of doubt the scariest thing I've ever done.
Yes...
I've broken my zip.
Richard [irritated]: That's bad?
[two hours before the race is scheduled to start, James comes up to Jeremy and Richard]
Whatever you do, don't do downstairs and look at the car. It's got no front end. No lights, no radiator, no bumper, no splitter, no front of the engine, no bonnet. That fuel pump thing is right in the bowels of the thing. They've got the whole front off. It's like trying to repair something in France from this end of the Channel Tunnel.
[Jeremy and Richard come downstairs to the garage]
James will be exaggerating... [sees the car] James isn't exaggerating. [we see the car, which has indeed got no front end] And it's leaking. I watch Formula One a lot, and I've never seen a Formula One car, two hours before a race, looking like that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
