Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WWoman
Lexus Enform, this is Sonia, where would you like to go today?'
Yes, hello, I've accidentally painted a gentleman's sausage on a storm drain.
WWoman
Oh, my.
Yeah, I need to run away.
S19 E2February 3rd, 2013
S19 E3February 10th, 2013
Tonight, I stop for petrol, Richard wears some sunglasses, and James sees some shirts.
[On The Stig]
Some say that, following the vote on gay marriage, he's got engaged to James May… 's lawn mower. And that he's become convinced this week that Henry IV is buried under the Follow Through.
[After posting the Toyota GT86's understandingly poor lap times]
But, once again, we must turn to the baby Jesus who once said, "He who shall be last, shall be sideways and smiling."
I haven't been on a night bus since the late '80s, but when I did, it wasn't like this.
I was envisaging a sea of sick, sloshing from side to side.
[In the Shelby Mustang GT500, Jeremy found a fault]
[voice over] And nor, as it turned out, was the Mustang's voice activated telephone directory.
Richard Hammond.
FCFemale Computer Voice
For media device, say, "User device, USB line in" or "Bluetooth audio". For settings, say, "Phone or Voice settings". For sync services, say, "Services". If a route is active, you can say, "Next turn", "Update route", "Route status..."
[angrily] Shut up!
[later]
FCFemale Computer Voice
Or see the tips available at www dot sync my ride dot com.
[shouting] Please, stop talking!
[On Amy Macdonald's success in various European countries]
Do they understand what you're on about there?
AMAmy Macdonald
Erm, most of them understand. I have had the odd strange comment. One in particular was, "Now that you're successful, will you learn to speak English properly?"
And will you?
AMAmy Macdonald
I still haven't!
Sorry, Scotland! Couldn't help myself! Couldn't help myself!
Sitrep, I've eaten my last pork pie… and I've eaten all my sausage rolls.
S19 E4February 17th, 2013
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, James draws on a board, Richard waves at a man, and I run away from a table.
[On The Stig]
Some say he contains 47% horse. [laughter] And that to concentrate more on his work here, he's resigned, this week, from his other job in Rome.
[On the Peugeot Onyx concept car shown in the studio]
It looks absolutely fantastic and you'll notice that some of the bodywork is made from copper. Just like the boiler tubes on a Gresley A4 Streamliner Pacific Locomotive.
[hurriedly] Yes, James, yes, yes.
And it's actually untreated copper so over time, it'll turn green … unless a scrap metal merchant removes it in the night.
Inside they've continued the theme of using unusual materials, so the dashboard is made out of recycled newspaper. I'm guessing they'll have used the Guardian for everything on the left and the Telegraph for everything on the right. Actually the newspaper is good because it means there is no need to Bluetooth your phone to it; The dashboard will already have listened to your messages for you.
[During the half time of the Kia Cee'd and Sportage car rugby]
[voice over] And, in the dressing rooms, we had the obligatory team talks.
Right, chaps, we are fine athletes, I think anyone can see that. But there is a lot we can learn from actual rugby players. [gestures to the whiteboard behind him] This was drawn up for a recent match they played and this is what I want you to concentrate on in the second half. "Mindset", "Go for it", "Enjoy it", "Never give in". OK? And I think we can add a fourth to that, which is [writing] "Ram James May". OK? Ram him whenever you see him and ram him hard. Really hard.
S19 E5February 24th, 2013
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I hold up a jar, James points at a hill, and Richard eats a sandwich.
[While working on the Rover James, a car made exclusively for the elderly people, Jeremy shows off his modified speedometer]
Brilliant — so it only reads 20 even if they're doing 80 miles an hour.
[correcting Richard] 115. [imitating an old woman] "I'm only doing 17 miles an hour," so they're happy. The people stuck behind, whose wives are in labour and they have meetings to get to, they're happy. Everybody wins.
[voice over] I was also rather proud of my old-people-friendly rear fog light.
This will be mounted in the car, this is the switch. So as soon as it starts a little bit of light drizzle, the elderly person turns on the rear fog light and then what happens round the back is… absolutely nothing at all.
[voice over] Hammond softened the suspension and I installed a pet cage.
A cat bolted to the roof?
I'm not bolting the cat, I'm bolting the cat cage to the roof and then it'll be up here and I won't get asthma.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.