Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Hank

Father...

Yes, Hank?

Hank

I want to kill you...

That's nice. Play pirate somewhere else, boy. Your father's busy.

Hank, nyet!

Hank

Molotov... I want to... oh baby!!!

Brock

Where's Hank?

Up in his room. Our little man is grounded.

Brock

What'd he do?

Get this, I'm working in the lab, right? And Hank sleepwalks in, hauls off and smacks me in the head with a papier-mache sword, pees his pants and passes out.

Brock

So, I didn't miss much?

Pfft. What's there to miss?

Created by Tam, the self-created, hatched by the same egg which emerged Ra, behold the Perfect Man! Praise he who will reign over all!

That's very impressive. Looks like he hates his foot.

Oh, still?! He's been doing that all day!

Dean

Aww, can't we keep him?

Hank

Yeah, dad, can't we? We'll feed the Perfect Man and clean up after him and everything! Super swear! Please??

No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, Brock.

Give me the Hand of Osiris!

Give me head.

You didn't just say that!

I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?

(confused) I'm... about to kill your sons.

Join the club!

Hank! Get off those spikes. It's not a ride.

Hank

Awwww.

Dr. Orpheus

(answering phone) Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.

Uh...Orpheus, it's your landlord. We're trapped in a cliché. Use your fake impossible magic to get us out of here.

Dr. Orpheus

TRICKS?! How dare you! With just a thought I could rise into the air.

OR you could put on these anti-gravity boots.

Dr. Orpheus

I could incinerate this entire lab, make you believe you are a very special episode of Blossom, and shoot lightning from my hands!!!!

Ooh! Laser ray, mind control helmet, Tesla coil. Anything else?

Fine! 8 o'clock tomorrow, right here! The smallest man is the biggest man.

Dr. Orpheus

Fine! Good day, sir.

Good blah-blah, sir!

Dr. Orpheus

And I wouldn't bother looking for that shrink ray your father built. You sold it to the albino and his tiny companion. Ta-ta.

Crap...

Don't look at me! I have not lived enough for I have not tasted the flower of a woman.

What do you mean?

You haven't tasted a flower? Is that a direct metaphor?

Because I don't take many trips down south myself.

You guys are disgusting. No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex.

What's with the poetry Wordsworth? Just say it. Say I am a virgin!

I knew it!

Billy, that makes you the best canidate to take a ray blast. You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion.

I vote Billy!

Seconded. Alright virgin, get on the target!

Well at least you hit this time. Anything happen?

Nah. Nothin'. I told you the phosphates were too old.

No... It worked. You shrank my lungs!

Woah! Rusty!! Hoo, man!!!

White, I can't breathe over here!!

It's gonna get worse! You remember that sound my chair made a second ago? That wasn't the chair.

It'll be over there in a minute, Billy. Oh, think deviled eggs.

I hate you guys...

(waking up from a bizarre dream) Oh, I thought I was done with those crappy dreams.

That was a weird one.

Great, you can read my mind.

IGNORE ME! (pause) Yes, I can.

Sally, there's something I need you to do for me before we go off and live happily ever after.

Oh Dr. Venture, anything! Just do one thing for me. Pinch me, because I must be dreaming! I can't believe you're really here!

It's okay, lady. I see him too!

Brock

(sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!

I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!

Brock

At least I didn't break his heart.

You don't know that.