Clint quotes from The Smoking Room

Clint

It's my first one all morning! If I don't have one now I'll have to wait 'till lunchtime.

Sally

Tell that to the people in the lift!

Clint

Oh, I have.

I love to see couples getting together.

Clint

I'm with you there, Jan. I've got this DVD, yeah–

Not in that way!

Robin

I sometimes think all the people you have a real, over-powering obsession with… or even get to go on a proper date with, if you're lucky: All have a little aspect of the person you're gonna end up with.

Sally

Do what?

Robin

You take certain qualities from different people that only come together in your perfect match. So your one true love will be made up of all the best bits, or at least the things you could actually put up with, from all your previous boyfriends [catches himself] Girlfriends! So all those disastrous relationships are kind of working towards a kind of Frankenstein's Partner.

Clint

Rah! Who'd want that?

Annie

I always thought Dracula was sexier. All that biting.

Robin

No, in terms of personality. So you get this one's ability to cook, as far as you can tell, from the one occasion they actually bothered to. The way that one would sometimes get a round in, rather than leaving you to foot the bill all night. Although looks can enter into it. I mean you could go out with someone for three whole weeks and wonder what the hell you're doing with them; why you put up with their mood swings and their droney voice and the fact that they wouldn't let you smoke in the flat but force you out onto the Fire Escapey bit in the middle of January! I mean, you think you're just staving off loneliness and boredom, where as you're actually going out with your future partners... ears.

Barry

No, I don't agree with that. [leaves]

Clint

Aww, Lils, this party is…

Lilian

Rubbish. I know. No music! Bloody Sharon sucking the life out of the place.. I've had more fun at a wake!

Clint

Yeah, Tess Pownell's husband's was banging. Every track they played I was like, "tune!"

Lilian

Mm. I think she regrets the disco now. She was in shock.. She freely admits the bouncy castle was misjudged.

Clint

No way, best bit!

Len

[high on glue] Aren't hands strange? They're like feet, only on your arms!

Um?

Len

Best be getting back, I suppose.

Clint

Sort Ranjit out?

Len

Nah. I don't know what it is, but I don't seem to give a toss about that now. I might even ask if he fancies a pint tonight. Good old Ranjit! Mm… [walks to the wrong corner of the room] Oh shit, where's the fucking door?

Clint

[whistles, pointing to the door] This way, Len.

Len

Oh, right, yeah. [singing] Do you know the way to– [opens door, turns back to Clint] Where the fuck is it? Mm… [leaves]

Um… is that normal behaviour?

Robin

Halfy-half. He doesn't normally sniff glue.

Clint

There isn't normally glue here to sniff.

Clint

Snowball fight now! The victor gets free ciggies all day tomorrow, or just buy me some baccy. Sal?

Sally

Save yourself the embarrassment, Clint, I'd murder you.

Clint

Word. Rob?

Robin

I've barely got the energy to lift my ciggie, nevermind lob snowballs.

Clint

[Turning to Sharon] I don't suppose...

Sharon

Are you asking me to come out for a snowball fight?

Clint

Yeah... Yeah, I suppose I am.

Sharon

Well thank you. Thank you so much for seeing a person sitting here and not just some distant authority figure. Prehaps my message is finally getting through. I may be the boss, but-.. No. I am definitely the boss, but I am still a co-worker. Of course I don't actually want to throw snowballs, it's puerile behaviour.