Lois quotes from The Smoking Room

Lets get all this lot onto smaller plates. Trick the eye into thinking there's more than there is.

Lois

I've got a bra that does that!

Sharon

Did you get any nice presents?

Lilian

Oh… well…

Lois

I got her some potpourri.

Lilian

Mm.

Sharon

Lovely! What scent?

Lilian

Oh, it doesn't smell.

Lois

[Shakes her head, smiling]

Sharon

So… just some dead leaves in a bowl?

Lilian

Yep.

Lois

[Nods her head, still smiling enthusiastically]

Honestly Lois, my little boy will be up to your waist!

Lois

D'you wanna make something of it?

[Frightened] No.

Lois

I can't help being small, like I don't suppose you can help being boring, but you don't have to insult me!

Lois

I've had this all my life: "Oi, diddy woman, why aren't you at the circus?" I'm a secretary, and what do they expect me to do, sit on a trapeze and TYPE!?

[Cowering up against the wall] Don't know.

[Marching into the room clapping to get everyone's attention] Ok, so.

Lois

[to Heidi] So if you ever mention my size again, I'll knock your TWO FRIGGING EYES INTO ONE!

LOIS! Thank you.