The Smoking Room · Season 1, Episode 5
So, did you miss me?
When?
When I was away.
[Blank look]
To have my baby.
[Blank look]
Don't you remember? We had that baby shower. The lads from packing dressed up as The Supremes, sang Baby Love.
[Blank look]
The 4th floor gave me that SuperDoopa buggy. We were laughing because little Tina Swanson could fit in it. We pushed her down the corridor?
[Blank look]
She fell out and broke her collar bone.
[Blank look]
Ben from the post room showed us all his bum.
Oh yeah! Ben's arse.
It was quite a difficult birth, though. I ripped. All the way round. I've got some pictures!
[On Valentine's Day] It's all just a con to make you part with your cash. Like Children In Need.
I love to see couples getting together.
I'm with you there, Jan. I've got this DVD, yeah–
Not in that way!
Something might come in the final post.
God, I hope so.
You've already had a card.
I meant for you! I'm sick to death of you droning on.
It's alright for Mrs Smugs. She's already had a card, she's sorted. Some of us would like to feel loved!
Yeah, if you think a card from some wanker in accounts, telling me, in way too explicit detail, what he'd like to get up to with me and Beyoncé makes me feel loved, then you, missus, have got another thing coming.
I'd have been delighted to get a card like that...
It's one of the most common places to meet a sexual partner; The Workplace.
Is it? I've met most of mine on the Night Bus.
I sometimes think all the people you have a real, over-powering obsession with… or even get to go on a proper date with, if you're lucky: All have a little aspect of the person you're gonna end up with.
Do what?
You take certain qualities from different people that only come together in your perfect match. So your one true love will be made up of all the best bits, or at least the things you could actually put up with, from all your previous boyfriends [catches himself] Girlfriends! So all those disastrous relationships are kind of working towards a kind of Frankenstein's Partner.
Rah! Who'd want that?
I always thought Dracula was sexier. All that biting.
No, in terms of personality. So you get this one's ability to cook, as far as you can tell, from the one occasion they actually bothered to. The way that one would sometimes get a round in, rather than leaving you to foot the bill all night. Although looks can enter into it. I mean you could go out with someone for three whole weeks and wonder what the hell you're doing with them; why you put up with their mood swings and their droney voice and the fact that they wouldn't let you smoke in the flat but force you out onto the Fire Escapey bit in the middle of January! I mean, you think you're just staving off loneliness and boredom, where as you're actually going out with your future partners... ears.
No, I don't agree with that. [leaves]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Smoking Room pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
