“Simpson Tide” quotes from The Simpsons

Tell me young man, what do you want out of life?

Homer

[straining to reach the peas on the table] I want peas.

Oh, we all want peace, but it's always just out of reach. [Homer groans and sits back in his chair] So, what's the best way to get peace?

Homer

[reaching out and picking up peas on his knife] With a knife.

Exactly! Not with the olive branch but the bayonet! Ah, Simpson, you're like the son I never had.

Homer

And you're like the father I never visit.

Barney

Mayday, mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic liquid!

Homer

You mean water?

Barney

Yeah, that's it.

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is not a porn star!

Kent Brockman

Well, sir, treason season started early this year as (a black and white picture of Homer dressed as a Russian, doing a Cossack dance, and holding a bottle of vodka with St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow behind him appears next to Kent as he continues reading): a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man, Homer Simpson.