“The Trouble with Trillions” quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Marge, how many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate! Uh... nine!

Marge

Homer, you know we don't have--

Homer

Shut up! Shut up! If I don't hear you, it's not illegal! Okay I need some deductions. Deductions... Oh, business gifts![hands Marge the sailboat painting from above the couch]Here you go, keep using nuclear power.

Marge

Homer, I painted that for you.

Homer

Okay, Marge, if anyone asks, you require twenty-four hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

Bart

Cool!

Marge

I put the tax forms on the top of your "to do" pile a month ago.

Homer

I have a "to do" pile?! [looks at the mountain of papers next to him on the end table, which wasn't there before]

Mr. Burns

[Pointing to a display case] Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Chaplin was buried in.

We believe Burns still has the bill hidden somewhere in his house, but all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.

Mr. Burns

See with your eyes, not with your hands!

Please! We are all amigos here!

Homer

Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the President of Cuba!

Mr. Burns

Now give it back.

Give what back?

Mr. Burns

If it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government, and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that.

Homer

God bless America!

Our country is completely bankrupt. We have no choice but to abandon communism.

AWWW!

I know, but we knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly. [picks up a phone]. I'm gonna call Washington and tell them, they've won.

But Sir, the Americans tried to kill you.

Eh, they're not so bad. They named a street for me in San Francisco. [aide whispers something into his ear] It's full of whahh?