Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

I can't remember the last movie we saw in theaters. And on opening night!

Homer

Movies are back, baby!

Bart

Just think of all the chumps out there waiting three days until this movie's free on streaming.

I'm Dr. Janet Grody, creator of Snüf Total-Body Deodorant. It's for all your grossest places. Just rub it right on your butt cleft, under pouch, stink flaps...

Marge

Ah! How could they say those words on TV?

...peat bog, smuckle, stunk-tank.

Marge

Come on. Skip ad. Skip ad.

Between-hatch, gunk chunnel, boob swamp, elbow crotch.

Homer

Elbow crotch. I have one of those.

Lisa

Mom, maybe you could tell a story about us when we were younger.

Marge

Um, we've done that a few times. Not sure what stories are left. Maggie's first tooth, Grampa's last tooth, the time Homer thought he invented stuffed crust pizza.

Homer

I did invent it. [picks up a paper of Crust Insert Stuff with Pizza on it] I'm the Thomas Edison of stuffing things with cheese.

Bart

Including yourself.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little. [strangles Bart]

Bart

Your primitive strangling is no match for fireplace tongs. [strangles Homer with a fireplace tongs, then Homer tickles him, Homer turns his face normal, then he and Homer lays on the floor]

Homer

We just made some memories, boy.

Bart

I caught a frog, I caught a frog. Ooh. Where did he go?

Marge

[offscreen] What's going on in there?

Homer

Boy, quit scaring your sister.

Another perfect checkup, Lisa. Next.

Bart

Hang tight, Dr K. I just got to freshen up. [he goes to the bathroom, puts his bag on the sink, opens his bag and grabs his packet of triple cookies, swallows an entire box of triple cookies]

All right. Let's see what we're working with here... [screaming]

Homer

Four-hour teeth cleaning... [Bart cackles] Emergency whitening. Oreo exposure therapy for the hygienist. [stops pacing, then angrily yells at Bart] Do you have any idea how much your stunt cost?

Bart

Can you really put a price on that kind of comedy?

Homer

What I can do is find a punishment that fits the crime. Now you have an appointment with Dr. Homer. [picks up a power drill]