Lincoln Loud quotes from The Really Loud House

Lincoln

[wakes up] Today is a big day. Today is the day Lincoln Loud becomes a man. [gets out of bed] And I am super pumped! [cut to him in the bathroom, brushing his hair] I've always been known as the Man with the Plan, but tonight, I'm gonna take it up a notch. My best friend Clyde and I will be watching the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and getting our official Macho Man badges.

Lincoln

You wouldn't think my sisters and I would be so excited about parent-teacher conferences. But every year, Dad promises that if more than half of us get a positive review, he'll treat us to the biggest dessert in Royal Woods: Auntie Pam's Banana Split in a Canoe!

Lincoln

I hate to throw my parents under the bus, but we're talking about a canoe full of ice cream. Come on.

Lincoln

I'm so Glad you're Still here. (They share an Embrace) l Didn't miss you. But l'm Going to Miss you every day. I'm gonna Miss your Smile, your laugh, just Hanging out together.

Lincoln

(Narrating) So, Flip got to Keep thr Food & Fuel, and Princess Charlie got her Ring. (Back to thr Present; he finishes the story) And she Never forgot her true Love, Lincoln.

Lincoln

After a month of planning, I'm finally heading to Tennessee to give the girl I love the surprise of her life. And there she is right now.

Lincoln

The Loud Family Court has dealt with some of the most controversial, high-profile cases in the history of the Loud House. There was the case of the missing toilet seat... the case of the stolen front door… the case of the flooded basement… I have to beat this rap, and somewhere out there is a brilliant lawyer with the skill and courage to help me do it.

Lynn Sr.

Order! Order!

Rita

Zip it, people! [the kids quiet down] Your father said order.

Lynn Sr.

That I did. Now. [clears throat] As some of you may have heard…

[deadpan] We know. Tomorrow's your half-birthday.

Lynn Sr.

Tomorrow is my half-birthday, but that's not what this meeting's about. But feel free to mark it on your calendars. [chuckles] Moving on. Lucy…

Lucy

[as her siblings look at her] What?

Lynn Sr.

…has been up for three days straight, and last night she scared the bejeezus out of me. So, there's gonna be a new rule around here.

Lincoln

[to the viewers] Probably gonna be no more sneaking up on people.

Lucy

[slides next to him and jumpscares him] You think so?

Lincoln

You really should start wearing a bell.

Lynn Sr.

And the new rule is… Everyone goes to bed before midnight, not one minute later.

Lincoln

NOOOO! This isn't fair! It's Lucy's fault! Why should we have to suffer?! [he and all his sisters start protesting]

Lynn Sr.

Order! Order! Don't make me have to count! Here we go! One, two--

Rita

[holds up her fist, silencing the siblings] You did it, honey.

Lynn Sr.

Sorry I had to be so harsh with them. In this house, it's all for one and one for all.

Rita

And Lucy's not the first kid to make a mistake.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, Mom's right. You've all been responsible for new rules around here.

Lincoln

Ok, so here's the plan. Tonight at midnight, you guys will take Dad out to Jean Juan's French Mex for a half-birthday celebration. I will stay here and watch the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and get my Macho Man Badge.

Lori

Look, Lincoln, I'm only home from college for two days, and we all have a lot of stuff to do. So if you want us to help you, you're gonna have to help us with our stuff.

Lisa

I'm entering Todd in a robotics competition, and it seems another contestant also has a robot named Todd.

Lincoln

Why can't he change his robot name?

Lisa

[sighs] His Todd was named after his recently-deceased grandfather. Some guys have all the luck.

Lincoln

So you need me to come up with a new name for Robot Todd?

Lisa

Precisely.

Lincoln

How about Beau?

Lisa

No.

Lincoln

Jamie?

Lisa

Lamey. This is a list of names that I don't like. [shows a massive board filled with X'ed out names, then flips it over to show the other side is also full of X'ed out names]

We've been here for hours.

Lincoln

Ok, people. We're not leaving here until we've come up with some hot stories. Let's go, the news doesn't make itself.

Clyde

Actually, it does.

Lincoln

Helping or hurting, Clyde, helping or hurting? I'm sorry. I'm a little on edge this morning.

[leaning in close to Zach and Liam] He's got a butt pimple that's been revealing barking at him.

Lincoln

I wanted to keep that between us, Rusty. I guess I should have been more clear when I said, "Let's keep that between us." Now, does anyone have a news story? [Stella raises up her hand] Stella.

Are butt pimples contagious?

I have absolute proof that the school nurse might be an alien.

I don't know what's wrong with that melon story I pitched. Thing's grown to darn near the size of a baby head.

Clyde

What's the hook? Why are we watching?

Because, it's grown to darn near the size of a baby head. You put a live feed on that and the audience will be happier than a kitten chasing a leaky cow.

Lincoln

So we got nothing.

Is that nothing with the melon, or nothing without the melon?

Thank God for "Real Talk with Rusty". Without my show, our ratings would be in the toilet.

Lincoln

[to the viewers] "Real Talk with Rusty" has been the top-rated middle school news show in the tri-state area for seven months running.

Lincoln

[coming out of the front door; stiffly] If you're a Royal Woods middle schooler, today is the biggest day of the year, the annual Kangaroo Hop, the Super Bowl of middle school dances.

Cut! You're all stiff, like a baby calf in a blizzard.

Lincoln

Sorry, Liam.

Haven't you ever talked to a camera before?

Lincoln

[to the viewers] Liam is really excited about getting to shoot his first solo Action News piece, a documentary about the Kangaroo Hop.

You know what? I'm gonna scrap the opening for now and get some B-roll of the decorations committee.

Lincoln

Order! Order! Order!

Lynn Sr.

Is he allowed to call family meetings now?

Rita

This better be important. [sighs as Lily suddenly starts bawling off-screen] Lily's on a sleep strike. We only slept 28 minutes last night. Oh, we should do the stroller trick.

Lynn Sr.

Mm-hm.

Lincoln

I've called this family meeting to address the constant infringement on my personal space, A.K.A. my bedroom. Which isn't very big to begin with.

Lana

Your room's not that small.

Lincoln

Lana, I have to step outside to change my mind.

Lynn Sr.

[chuckles] You know, I should tell more jokes in my family meetings. [Rita gives him a stern look] I'll get the stroller.

Luna

Lincoln, you're the only one without a roommate.

Clyde

I beg to differ. I'm here quite often, and this morning, my cubby had an engine block in it.

Lana

That's a carburetor, dude.

Clyde

Great. That's much more normal.

Lana

You guys didn't let us into your club.

Lisa

Well, Leni and Luna didn't let us into their club.

Luna

Well, Clyde and Lincoln didn't let us into their club.

Clyde

Hey, we had a very good reason for that. Lincoln, what was the reason?

Lincoln

I don't know. But I'm getting some of those chicken wings.

Lynn

You cross that line, you're gonna get decked by one of those wings.

Lincoln

You wouldn't.

Lana

[throws a chicken wing at Lincoln as he crosses the line] No, but I would. Oh, and by the way… [eats one] They're delicious.

Lincoln

Well, then maybe you should try them with some… [grabs some tortilla chips and dips them in guacamole and sauce] Nachos. [throws them at Lana]

Lynn

Oh, is that funny, Clyde? Because the potato skins… are hilarious! [throws some potato skins at him]

Luna

Leni… why'd you do that?

Leni

I don't know. Seemed fun.

Lisa

[grabs another meatball and throws it at Leni's dress] It is fun.

Clyde

Nothing's more fun than guacamole! [grabs a fistful of guacamole and throws it at Lynn]

Lucy

[as Lynn throws some stuffing at her in retaliation] That was a mistake.

Rita

[as Lola and Lana pour themselves some cereal with plates of broccoli behind them] Uh-uh. You're not eating another thing until you finish this broccoli.

Broccoli's gross.

Lana

And cold.

Rita

Well, it was warm when I served it to you last night.

Lana

But we don't wanna waste all this delicious cereal when there's so many hungry people in the world.

Rita

Well, Lisa and Mr. Nibbles can eat it. [takes the cereal bowls away as the twins groan]

Lincoln

Mr. Nibbles loves his cereal.

Lisa

Mr. Nibbles won't be receiving any tasty rewards until he successfully completes this week's mouse maze.

Luan

[enters the kitchen] If he did complete it, it would be "a-maze-ing." [laughs; no response] "A-maze-ing?" Because the mouse goes through the maze?

Rita

I love you, sweetheart.

Luan

That joke would've been funny if Mr. Coconuts was here. Has anyone seen him? He's been lost for three days.