The Really Loud House quotes

Lincoln

[wakes up] Today is a big day. Today is the day Lincoln Loud becomes a man. [gets out of bed] And I am super pumped! [cut to him in the bathroom, brushing his hair] I've always been known as the Man with the Plan, but tonight, I'm gonna take it up a notch. My best friend Clyde and I will be watching the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and getting our official Macho Man badges.

Lynn Sr.

Order! Order!

Rita

Zip it, people! [the kids quiet down] Your father said order.

Lynn Sr.

That I did. Now. [clears throat] As some of you may have heard…

[deadpan] We know. Tomorrow's your half-birthday.

Lynn Sr.

Tomorrow is my half-birthday, but that's not what this meeting's about. But feel free to mark it on your calendars. [chuckles] Moving on. Lucy…

Lucy

[as her siblings look at her] What?

Lynn Sr.

…has been up for three days straight, and last night she scared the bejeezus out of me. So, there's gonna be a new rule around here.

Lincoln

[to the viewers] Probably gonna be no more sneaking up on people.

Lucy

[slides next to him and jumpscares him] You think so?

Lincoln

You really should start wearing a bell.

Lynn Sr.

And the new rule is… Everyone goes to bed before midnight, not one minute later.

Lincoln

NOOOO! This isn't fair! It's Lucy's fault! Why should we have to suffer?! [he and all his sisters start protesting]

Lynn Sr.

Order! Order! Don't make me have to count! Here we go! One, two--

Rita

[holds up her fist, silencing the siblings] You did it, honey.

Lynn Sr.

Sorry I had to be so harsh with them. In this house, it's all for one and one for all.

Rita

And Lucy's not the first kid to make a mistake.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, Mom's right. You've all been responsible for new rules around here.

Lincoln

Ok, so here's the plan. Tonight at midnight, you guys will take Dad out to Jean Juan's French Mex for a half-birthday celebration. I will stay here and watch the Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon and get my Macho Man Badge.

Lori

Look, Lincoln, I'm only home from college for two days, and we all have a lot of stuff to do. So if you want us to help you, you're gonna have to help us with our stuff.

Lisa

I'm entering Todd in a robotics competition, and it seems another contestant also has a robot named Todd.

Lincoln

Why can't he change his robot name?

Lisa

[sighs] His Todd was named after his recently-deceased grandfather. Some guys have all the luck.

Lincoln

So you need me to come up with a new name for Robot Todd?

Lisa

Precisely.

Lincoln

How about Beau?

Lisa

No.

Lincoln

Jamie?

Lisa

Lamey. This is a list of names that I don't like. [shows a massive board filled with X'ed out names, then flips it over to show the other side is also full of X'ed out names]

We've been here for hours.

Lynn Sr.

I am having such a good time. [chuckles] Lynn, how's that beef baguette in a bread bowl?

Great! Perfect pre-game meal for my hockey championship tomorrow. Carbo load! [keeps eating]

Rita

You still need to chew carbs, sweetie.

[mouth full] I do?

It seems there really is no stronger bond than family.

Lincoln

Ok, people. We're not leaving here until we've come up with some hot stories. Let's go, the news doesn't make itself.

Clyde

Actually, it does.

Lincoln

Helping or hurting, Clyde, helping or hurting? I'm sorry. I'm a little on edge this morning.

[leaning in close to Zach and Liam] He's got a butt pimple that's been revealing barking at him.

Lincoln

I wanted to keep that between us, Rusty. I guess I should have been more clear when I said, "Let's keep that between us." Now, does anyone have a news story? [Stella raises up her hand] Stella.

Are butt pimples contagious?

I have absolute proof that the school nurse might be an alien.

I don't know what's wrong with that melon story I pitched. Thing's grown to darn near the size of a baby head.

Clyde

What's the hook? Why are we watching?

Because, it's grown to darn near the size of a baby head. You put a live feed on that and the audience will be happier than a kitten chasing a leaky cow.

Lincoln

So we got nothing.

Is that nothing with the melon, or nothing without the melon?

Thank God for "Real Talk with Rusty". Without my show, our ratings would be in the toilet.

Lincoln

[to the viewers] "Real Talk with Rusty" has been the top-rated middle school news show in the tri-state area for seven months running.

Lynn Sr.

[inspecting Leni's sunburned arm] What did I tell you about sunbathing on the roof?

Leni

Don't fall off.

Lynn Sr.

Just pour some of this on it.

Leni

Ranch dressing?

Lynn Sr.

Uh-uh. Cool ranch.

Luan

Our brother has a butt pimple.

Luna

It's the only thing standing between him and what might be true love.

Leni

A butt pimple!

Lincoln

You wouldn't think my sisters and I would be so excited about parent-teacher conferences. But every year, Dad promises that if more than half of us get a positive review, he'll treat us to the biggest dessert in Royal Woods: Auntie Pam's Banana Split in a Canoe!

Lincoln

I hate to throw my parents under the bus, but we're talking about a canoe full of ice cream. Come on.

Lincoln

[coming out of the front door; stiffly] If you're a Royal Woods middle schooler, today is the biggest day of the year, the annual Kangaroo Hop, the Super Bowl of middle school dances.

Cut! You're all stiff, like a baby calf in a blizzard.

Lincoln

Sorry, Liam.

Haven't you ever talked to a camera before?

Lincoln

[to the viewers] Liam is really excited about getting to shoot his first solo Action News piece, a documentary about the Kangaroo Hop.

You know what? I'm gonna scrap the opening for now and get some B-roll of the decorations committee.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, Right. I can Barely get 'Em to sing with Me.

(singing) Bill Bailey, won't You please Come home?

Yeah!