The Raccoons quotes

Alright... I'm through pussyfooting around! We're going to tunnel into Knox's mansion!

Oh, Lady Baden-Baden won't like that, boss. You know how she hates muddy footprints all over the house.

Bert

Uh, Lisa, uh, did you ever see that old movie, "Love is a Very Splendid Thing"?

Why, sure.

Bert

Well, uh... you know that scene where Rip Tide and Virginia Creeper meet on the river boat?

And pledge their undying love? Ah, it's one of my favorites!

Bert

Good, good! Well... (clears throat) ...think of this cafe as the river boat.

(giggles) That sounds like fun! "Oh, Rip, your eyes are like the southern nights!" (giggles)

Bert

Look, I'm trying to be serious here, Lisa!

(giggles) Sorry, Bert, go on.

Bert

I'm just trying to tell you that... well, uh... we were... meant for each other.

Oh, Bert...

Bert

Yeah?

I am flattered. But we don't know each other... well enough. I... I mean... I like you, Bert. But as a... friend...

Bert

Oh. If that's the way you fill up on it!

Oh, Bert... don't be angry with me.

Bert

ANGRY?! Who's angry?! I'm not angry! Well... gee, uh... look at the time! You better hurry or you'll, uh, miss your train!

Bert...

Bert

(runs away from Lisa) Thank you ever so much for coming! It's been a slice!

Honestly, if I hear that love song one more time...

Melissa

Oh come on Ralph! Don't you remember what your first crush felt like?

Yeah, I had a hard time getting over it. But I wrote poetry. It's quieter.

Why, I've just found out that the Sneers were one of the first to leave the old country and settle here.

One of the Sneers' greatest tax dodges!

How could the boss do this to us, forget the names of his own parents!?

Well, he always forgets our payday.

...And the key word is "please". When I snap my fingers you will remain in a trance, but will open your eyes and do only as we say.

Oh, oh! Ask him, ask him!

Ahem. Boss? We would like a raise, please?

Mom always said the magic word works wonders!

Oh no! We're really doomed!

Yeah, the boss hates a dirty car!

I thought I'd lost you there Pop.

We Sneers don't disappear as easily as that. And we've got hundreds of years of history to prove it son!

I know that Pop... even if I'm not a real Sneer.

What are you talking about?

It's okay Pop, you don't have to keep it a secret anymore. I know I'm adopted.

Wha... where'd you get that crazy idea? No wait. You're not adopted son. I'm the one who's adopted.

Bert

Cyril Sneer... adopted?

Does that make our contract invalid?

Well son, times were different then. Being adopted was sometimes kept a secret.

But why couldn't you tell me?

Well I wanted to. But I kept putting it off. The longer I waited the harder it got. I guess I was afraid you'd think I wasn't a real Sneer.

Gee Pop, as far as I'm concerned you're the greatest Sneer ever!

Thanks son. That means a lot to me.

You designed this vault Cedric. What are Tromboni's chances?

Well if I were him I'd pack a lunch!

I invested a fortune developing this vault, and it's got as many holes as a Swiss cheese! I might as well install a turnstile in the darn thing!

A truly spectacular show, wasn't it Mr. Sneer?

Terrific!

Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear I have decided to purchase one of your vaults.

But Tromboni got out of it!

My dear Mr Sneer, surely you are aware that magic is the art of illusion. What you see is not necessarily what happens. Can I expect delivery of the vault tomorrow?

Sure Knox. But what you saw is not necessarily what you're going to get.

Bert

Hey, there it is guys! The old place never looked better to me! What a sight!

What a dump.

Wow, this is it? My locker's bigger than this place! Where's the cafeteria? Where are the science labs? Where are the computer rooms? What can anybody possibly learn in this place? Whoops! (he accidentally knocks over a globe)

Perhaps we could learn some manners young man. And we don't charge in tracking in mud and disrupting my schoolhouse, even if it is being closed down... forever.

Closed?

Bert

Forever?

(Reading a letter) I owe taxes on all of this? This inventory list is an invention! How can the tax department do this to a humble millionaire like me?