Bentley Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Melissa

Bert! Come on down! There's someone here to see you!

Bert

I'll be right there!

Bert

Uh... hi! You must be Bentley?

And you must be hurt.

Bert

(chuckles) That's er... Bert! How was your trip?

Fine. How was yours?

Melissa

Bentley, you're gonna be sharing Bert's room.

Mr. Bert, pleased to face your acquaintance.

Bert

Hey! Smart kid! Uh... (chuckles) He knows a foreign language! Uh, by the way, Bentley... Bentley?

Bert

Gee Bentley, I thought you had that ball for sure. Uh, you were right under it. Oh well, that's okay. Tomorrow, uh... we're gonna play football. Yeah, footballs are much easier to catch. And uh... after that, you can help me practice for the Forest Games!

Bert, enough! I'd prefer that tomorrow weren't like today.

Bert

Huh? What does that mean?

Today, I tried everything you wanted me to. (He takes the hot water bottle off his head, showing a large bump) And what have I got to show for it?

Melissa

Gee Bentley, Bert was just trying to show you how much fun games can be. He meant well.

He made me feel unwell. I just wanna sleep now. Okay?

Bert

Okay, okay. Good night Bentley.

Melissa

Good night.

Bert

Hey Melissa, what am I doing wrong? What have I got to do to get through to that kid?

Okay, Bentley. I talked to your parents and they're very worried. They said it's alright for you to stay here for a while. I told them you were okay, but they'd rather hear it from you.

They'd be better off if they never heard from me again.

Melissa

That's a terrible thing to say, Bentley.

I think I'll go for a walk.

Bert

Want me to come with you, little buddy?

I'd rather be alone, Bert.

Bert

Don't worry. Bentley will come around. I know kids.

Bert

Here you are Bentley, this should keep you going for a while. Hey, I even brought some books I thought you might like.

Thanks a lot Bert, you're a real... (Looks at one of the book covers) COLLEGE MATHEMATICS?! You talked to my parents, didn't you? And they told you, didn't they? And you PROMISED!

Bert

I don't know what you're talking about Bentley!

Oh, sure! Then how do you know about the mathematics? You're just trying to make me feel guilty!

Bert

About what?! (Something dawns on Bert.) Hey...did you fail math or something?

As if you didn't know! Breaking into the school system was easy with my computer. So what if I gave myself a better mark? I wanted to be first! So I cheated, big deal! So now you know why I ran away. I'm a...a criminal...but I don't care!

We could use some help with these dishes, Bentley!

Oh lay off! I don't have to do anything I don't want to!

Bert

OK, I've had enough of this! Big tough guy huh?

Shh, He'll hear you!

Bert

Doesn't need anybody! Makes a mistake and then can't face up to it! Runs away!

Em, Bert, Remember, Understanding...

Bert

THIS HAS GOT TO BE SAID! So you want a life on the road eh Bentley? No home? No Family? No friends? You wanna be a...a fugitive, right?

That's right, a fugitive!

Bert

Never knowing if the next person you see is gonna put the finger on you and say, "There! That's the kid who cheated on his math mark!" HUH! Some life! Is that what you want?

Maybe...and maybe not...what else is there?

Bert

Well....for starters come and help us with the dishes, we'll figure out the rest later, okay?

Okay Bert.

(to Bentley) The point is, the only thing you're running away from is yourself. And that doesn't work, because no matter where you go, there you are. I want to tell you a story about a kid I knew. He ran away once. He thought he could make it on his own without friends. Without parents. Without a home. You know what...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before! He ended up poor and homeless, right?

Wrong! He's a millionaire. But there were a lot of lost and lonely years before he made it. And nice as money is, it can't buy back those years. Am I getting through?

I... I guess so.

You might think you're tough and brave running away, but believe me, it takes more courage to face up to your mistakes. Turn back while there's still time. Don't be like the kid in the story, Bentley.

Was that kid... you, Mr. Sneer?

(teasing Bert) Bert and Lisa sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Bert

However, Bentley, you are not so very funny!

(looking through some comic books) Wow! You've got Fog Man #1! The Undesirables! The Caped Kid, and The Mole Lady!

Bert

(who is smartening his appearance) Hey Bentley, what do you think?

I think you look like one of the Undesirables!

Bert

Says you!

Hello? Anybody home? Hi, Bert. Hiya, Bentley.

Bert

Oh! Heh-heh! Uh, L-L-L-L-Lisa, w-w-what a surprise!

Bert, what happened to your hair?

It's the new windswept look.

Oh. I just wanna see your clubhouse, Bert. Bentley has told me so much about it. You don't mind, do you?

Bert

No, in fact I'm honored.

Bert

Hey, there it is guys! The old place never looked better to me! What a sight!

What a dump.

Wow, this is it? My locker's bigger than this place! Where's the cafeteria? Where are the science labs? Where are the computer rooms? What can anybody possibly learn in this place? Whoops! (he accidentally knocks over a globe)

Perhaps we could learn some manners young man. And we don't charge in tracking in mud and disrupting my schoolhouse, even if it is being closed down... forever.

Closed?

Bert

Forever?

I guess everyone gets nervous going to a new school, don't they Miss Primrose?

(weeps) Oh Bentley, I don't want to leave this place!

Bert

Gee, we're really going to miss you around here.

Are you sure you have to go?

I'm afraid so boys. I've given it a lot of thought and I know now I was just afraid of facing something new. So I'm off to City Collegit to learn more about the new fangled technology Bentley has been showing me. I'm going to be a teacher and a student. After all, someone has to run the new Evergreen Elementary and the Cyril Sneer Wing when it's built. Right?

All right!

Come on Miss Primrose! Let's get going! I want to look around our new school, 'cos we're going to be the new faces this year!

We're off to the ball game, Lisa! Wanna come?

No thanks, Bentley. I still have to unpack some stuff.

You know, Bert, I think living in the forest is soon gonna be just fine.

Yeah. Just fine.