Lisa Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Hello? Anybody home? Hi, Bert. Hiya, Bentley.

Bert

Oh! Heh-heh! Uh, L-L-L-L-Lisa, w-w-what a surprise!

Bert, what happened to your hair?

It's the new windswept look.

Oh. I just wanna see your clubhouse, Bert. Bentley has told me so much about it. You don't mind, do you?

Bert

No, in fact I'm honored.

Bert

Uh, Lisa, uh, did you ever see that old movie, "Love is a Very Splendid Thing"?

Why, sure.

Bert

Well, uh... you know that scene where Rip Tide and Virginia Creeper meet on the river boat?

And pledge their undying love? Ah, it's one of my favorites!

Bert

Good, good! Well... (clears throat) ...think of this cafe as the river boat.

(giggles) That sounds like fun! "Oh, Rip, your eyes are like the southern nights!" (giggles)

Bert

Look, I'm trying to be serious here, Lisa!

(giggles) Sorry, Bert, go on.

Bert

I'm just trying to tell you that... well, uh... we were... meant for each other.

Oh, Bert...

Bert

Yeah?

I am flattered. But we don't know each other... well enough. I... I mean... I like you, Bert. But as a... friend...

Bert

Oh. If that's the way you fill up on it!

Oh, Bert... don't be angry with me.

Bert

ANGRY?! Who's angry?! I'm not angry! Well... gee, uh... look at the time! You better hurry or you'll, uh, miss your train!

Bert...

Bert

(runs away from Lisa) Thank you ever so much for coming! It's been a slice!

(on the phone) Oh, everything's fine! I guess...

Nicole

I'm heading off to the Raccoondominium. Want to come along?

(to Nicole) No thanks, Mom, have fun! (on the phone) Sorry about that. Uh, how's the basketball team doing without me? They won? Gee, that's... that's great! You have to go? Oh, no-no, I've got lots to do. Say hi to everybody for me. Bye.

We're off to the ball game, Lisa! Wanna come?

No thanks, Bentley. I still have to unpack some stuff.

You know, Bert, I think living in the forest is soon gonna be just fine.

Yeah. Just fine.

Bert

You're not saying much, Lisa! Uh, how was your day?

Lousy, as if you care.

Melissa

What's wrong, Lisa?

Everything! Everything's wrong! I've got no friends anymore, I miss my school, I HATE THIS HOUSE!

George

That's enough, young lady! We've all got a lot of adjusting to do!

Oh, sure! Everyone else is happy! Nobody cares what I think! None of this would have happened if you hadn't lost your job!

Nicole

LISA!

(runs away sobbing) It's all your fault! And I hope you don't get that stupid job at the station! (slams the door and continues sobbing)

Oh Lisa...

No way!

You didn't know what I was gonna say!

You wanted me to lend you the money to replace Bert's car and fix the window, so no way!

Bert

What's going on Lisa? You've never smoked before!

I don't need a lecture Bert Raccoon!

Bentley Raccoon!

Lisa!

Take that thing out of your mouth right now buster!

Hey, I was only fooling around!

You don't fool around with cigarettes! You have any idea what they can do to your health? You can't breathe, they smell awful, they're expensive and once you start smoking it's almost impossible to stop! Bentley, cigarettes are NOT cool!

I know that stuff already. And you know that I don't smoke. Brother! Sisters can be so dumb!

Ahem! Something wrong kid?

Oh, Mr Sneer! I guess this looks weird to you, huh?

No, I've done this before. With cigars. You know, they don't break nearly as nicely but they're just as hard to quit.

Oh I've already quit!

Great! But why the tears? I'd be hilariously happy if I could quit.

But your friends wouldn't dump you if you did! I just lost a friend. She said I wouldn't fit in with her crowd.

Listen kid, some crowds just are not worth belonging to.

Yeah, but I wanted to belong.

Crowds, clubs, it's all the same deal. You do what they want, they let you join up. Pretty soon you're just like them. I was almost a Lock Links lemming! You don't want to be one of those do you?

I guess not.

Dare to be different. And never mind what the crowd thinks! Because as long as they're talking about you, they'll never forget about you!

I guess you're right! Y'know Mr Sneer, you're a lot different from what people have told me. You're okay!

What people? What did they say? Were there three of them? Short little fat guys with flat noses and squeaky voices?

Why are you quitting?

Bert

Because!

What kind of answer is that? Are you quitting because you might lose to me?

Bert

Of course not! I just don't feel like racing right now.

Bert Raccoon, you're acting like a child!