Pigs Two quotes from The Raccoons

This is the secret we've been protecting!?

You find something funny about a Sneer that gave away all his money?

Pigs

No sir! No sir!

A Sneer who gave everything away to charity? This statue is an embarrassment to me! It could ruin my image forever!

But sir, why don't you just destroy it?

Destroy it?!?

Oh yes sir, destroy it!

On top of by being quiet, humble, generous and kind, I also always keep my word.

Promise me!

I suggest you do the same.

Pigs

Yes sir.

Because if one breath ever gets out about this, it'll be kicking you off of the 50 yard line at next year's Superbowl! Is that clear?

Pigs

Yes sir!

Your secret's safe with us sir!

Our lips are sealed!

So's your fate! Now get this eyesore where no one will ever find it!

Of course I want you to check it out! Why do you think I pay you that fancy salary?

But we’ve never been paid!

The cheque's in the mail.

This place looks like a pig sty!

Pigs

Oh, Thank you, sir! We try sir!

Pigs

Boss! Boss!

Well? Did you find him?

Yes sir, we followed the girl like you said and...

He's with The Raccoons!

The Raccoons? I should of known! Their the ones who put him up to this!

But sir...

Those meddlesome rodents are a bad influence! The've got the poor kid brain washed!

But sir, you were the one who made him retire. You were the one who... (Cyril glares at him) ...heh, heh, em, saw through The Raccoons all along.

And don't you ever forget it!

Why aren't you looking for worms?

Pigs

They have a treasure map!

Who? The worms?

The search for the fountain of youth? What's this all about?

According to this book sir, one sip from this legendary elusive fountain can give someone eternal youth!

Eternal youth? Preposterous! Ridiculous! Ludicrous! (A long pause while Cyril thinks the idea over in his head) Find it immediately!

Pigs

Oh, yes sir! Yes sir, immediately!

I've been expecting this kind of unhanded chicanery! In fact, I've had a little quiz prepared just for the occasion. It should prove exactly who you are not!

Pigs

(in unison) All set sir!

Fasten your seatbelt 'Simon', you're in for a bumpy ride! Only my real brother can answer any of these questions! Fire away!

Um, um, what size boots did you used to wear?

Simple. Eight!

Uh, he's right sir!

He is? Well that's a stupid question! Anyone could have guessed that right. Ask him another one!

Er, okay... what colour were your old boots?

No peeking!

Green.

Right again sir.

What? A lucky guess. Give him a tough one this time.

Um, okay, um... did these boots have any buckles?

Is that all you're going to ask him? Questions about boots?! Who cares! Didn't you find anything else in that trunk? ANYTHING AT ALL?

All we got were his boots.

And here's three more! (He proceeds to kick the pigs away)

How could the boss fire us like that?

We never even got the chance to make up any excuses!

We never even got the chance to make any lunch!

LUNCH?!?

Boss? About that little accident with the shredder...

It's coming out of your salary!

You mean... we can have our old jobs back?

Might as well. I wouldn't wish you three messed up meatballs on anyone else!

Of all the two-faced filthy lying twisted things I have done, I have never stooped as low as you three malicious mudwallowers!

Pigs

No boss.

Poor little Bentley, he must feel lousy... and the things I said to him! I hope you're proud of yourselves!

Pigs

We're not boss...

Things are worse than we thought. Let's face it boys, if the boss loses, we lose. No cushy job as the mayor's assistants, no big office, no three hour lunches!

(sobbing) What are we gonna do?

Get a grip on yourselves guys! There's only one honourable thing we can do...

Pigs

(in unison) Cheat like crazy!