Melissa Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Knoxie and I had a terrible fight, in public no less! He demanded I resign from my job!

Bert

But why would he want you to resign?

That's exactly what I asked him! He said women have no place in the working world?

Melissa

How could he say such a thing in this day and age?

It's his upbringing Melissa. Old world, old values, old money. I told him to accept me as I am, or leave. He left, and tomorrow is... our anniversary! Oh Melissa, I'm so unhappy! (she sobs)

Bert

Don't cry Lady Baden-Baden.

Oh I'm not, it's the onions. Oh, but I do miss Knoxie so.

Melissa

I'm sure you and Mr Knox can work things out.

You manage a career and a marriage Melissa. How do you do it?

Melissa

Well, a little understanding, a little support and a little compromise... from both of us!

Compromise... not one of Knoxie's strong points.

Honestly, if I hear that love song one more time...

Melissa

Oh come on Ralph! Don't you remember what your first crush felt like?

Yeah, I had a hard time getting over it. But I wrote poetry. It's quieter.

Melissa

(To Bert and Cedric) You two look like you just lost your best friend.

Oh, things just aren't going so good that's all.

Well, now I know what they mean when they say skateboarding's a downhill sport!

Melissa

All we want are a few details.

We can't tell you anything. This is top secret! Strictly need-to-know basis.

And the boss says you don't need to know anything!

As a matter of fact, we don't even know what you don't need to know!

I see a career in politics for these three.

That guy has no respect for the press! Something smells in the Rotco corporation!

Melissa

Well then, we just have to get in there and sniff out the story. Let me try my feminine wiles!

Melissa

I must be getting rusty.

Not in my books, baby!

Good news Bert! I got the name of the president of the company who sells the remote bomber!

Melissa

And from everything we could find out about this guy, he's a real weasel!

His name is Milton Midas.

Bert

Milton Midas?

I know. Isn't television great?

Bert

You're not saying much, Lisa! Uh, how was your day?

Lousy, as if you care.

Melissa

What's wrong, Lisa?

Everything! Everything's wrong! I've got no friends anymore, I miss my school, I HATE THIS HOUSE!

George

That's enough, young lady! We've all got a lot of adjusting to do!

Oh, sure! Everyone else is happy! Nobody cares what I think! None of this would have happened if you hadn't lost your job!

Nicole

LISA!

(runs away sobbing) It's all your fault! And I hope you don't get that stupid job at the station! (slams the door and continues sobbing)

Bert

I did a sloppy job on the fireworks. I should have worked harder on everything!

Melissa

You just worked too hard on too many things Bert.

Bert

Yeah, and I let all my friends down.

Bert, we are your friends, and that's what makes it alright to say no to us.

Melissa

We don't expect you to be a superman.

We understand.

Bert

Gee, thanks guys.

Okay Schaeffer, how about this? If we change the ice hockey game to the football game, that means we can watch the baseball playoff, and still catch the golf tournament!

Schaeffer

Not bad, but, what about the snooker challenge?

Oh yeah. Wait! It's on during the baseball game! We could flip between innings!

Melissa

Ralph?

Hi Melissa. Oh hi Nicole. Didn't hear you come in.

Melissa

Look what we've got! Tickets for the ballet for Wednesday! We stood in line for two hours but...

Wednesday... Wednesday... Ah, here we are! Oh, gee! Not a chance, Melissa! We've got to watch the divisional synchronized swimming finals on Wednesday!

Schaeffer

And third round sumo wrestlings on right after.

Melissa

Oh well, you couldn't miss that, could you?