Melissa Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Melissa

Bert! Come on down! There's someone here to see you!

Bert

I'll be right there!

Bert

Uh... hi! You must be Bentley?

And you must be hurt.

Bert

(chuckles) That's er... Bert! How was your trip?

Fine. How was yours?

Melissa

Bentley, you're gonna be sharing Bert's room.

Mr. Bert, pleased to face your acquaintance.

Bert

Hey! Smart kid! Uh... (chuckles) He knows a foreign language! Uh, by the way, Bentley... Bentley?

Bert

Gee Bentley, I thought you had that ball for sure. Uh, you were right under it. Oh well, that's okay. Tomorrow, uh... we're gonna play football. Yeah, footballs are much easier to catch. And uh... after that, you can help me practice for the Forest Games!

Bert, enough! I'd prefer that tomorrow weren't like today.

Bert

Huh? What does that mean?

Today, I tried everything you wanted me to. (He takes the hot water bottle off his head, showing a large bump) And what have I got to show for it?

Melissa

Gee Bentley, Bert was just trying to show you how much fun games can be. He meant well.

He made me feel unwell. I just wanna sleep now. Okay?

Bert

Okay, okay. Good night Bentley.

Melissa

Good night.

Bert

Hey Melissa, what am I doing wrong? What have I got to do to get through to that kid?

Melissa

How's your tribute coming along?

When all is said and done, Cyril Sneer was truly, truly...

Melissa

Yes?

That's as far as I got!

Melissa

Who do you want to win?

Well, Mr Knox is so, so, you know! And Mr Sneer is so, so, you know!

Melissa

We do!

Melissa

We've come to congratulate you!

Schaeffer

And wish you good luck!

Thanks! I'll need it...

Melissa

Cedric was looking for you today.

Bert

He was?

Mm-hmm! And it looked like he just lost his best friend.

Bert

Gee you're right, I have been ignoring Cedric. I'm gonna find him right now! Thanks Melissa! See ya Ralph!

Bert

I gotta hand it to you Melissa. You sure know how to pack a picnic basket.

Melissa

And you sure know how to empty one!

Melissa

Cyril! Are you okay?

Fine. Fine, thank you.

Cost me a fortune to feed Snag. It's ridiculous. Heh-heh.

Melissa!

Bert

Wha-... what are you doing here?!

Melissa

I've got fired for my first assignment! Isn't that wonderful?

Oh. I'm sorry, Melissa.

Melissa

Well, I'm not. Something happened to make me realize I'm the one who has to make my own decisions. I knew you all meant well. But you were putting all your hopes on me for getting what I might want. And I've decided I know what I want... for now.

What's that, Melissa?

Melissa

I want... one of Bert's peanut butter sandwich specials, and a nice hot cup of tea!

Bert

(laughs) One special comin' up!

I should've listen to you, Melissa. I'm sorry. Boy, am I glad you're back!

Bert

Yeah, me too, Melissa. You're the only one who appreciates my cooking.

Melissa

Oh, Bert!

Okay, Bentley. I talked to your parents and they're very worried. They said it's alright for you to stay here for a while. I told them you were okay, but they'd rather hear it from you.

They'd be better off if they never heard from me again.

Melissa

That's a terrible thing to say, Bentley.

I think I'll go for a walk.

Bert

Want me to come with you, little buddy?

I'd rather be alone, Bert.

Bert

Don't worry. Bentley will come around. I know kids.

Melissa

Ralph Raccoon, what has gotten in to you? You can't treat your friends that way just because you want to win a newspaper award!

Melissa, I'm a professional. I've been nominated editor of the year, and if I can't depend on my staff to turn the Standard into the best paper ever printed, then...

Melissa

If you keep this up, you won't have any staff!

Have you got those photos yet, Melissa or do I have to do that to?

Melissa

They're in the camera, Ralph. I know you want the photos done properly, so you can develop them yourself!

Oooh! Melissa, wait! Waah.. oof (Ralph trips on an ink puddle) All right then, I WILL do it myself and it'll be the best issue of the standard ever!

Oh no! The paper! I must have slept right through!

Bert

Don't worry Ralphie boy, it's all under control. Care for a copy of the early edition?

You mean you worked all night after I was such a...

Bert

Pain?

Melissa

Tyrant?

Schaeffer

Ogre?

Yeah... I guess I was. I'm sorry gang. I wanted to win so badly I guess I let things get carried away.

Melissa

(To the Pigs) My, you three look dashing!

I hope we look as dashing when we're crashing!

Here's lookin' at you, kid!

Melissa

(laughs)

(clears throat)

Troy! Pull up a chair and join us!

Melissa

Yes!

Oh no, I just came to say goodbye. Besides, three's a crowd. No hard feelings about the race? Eh, Ralph?

Of course not! (pause) Well... wherever you're off to, we wish you the best of luck, Troy.

Thanks Ralph, Melissa. (mumbles) Well... it's on.

I envy you Melissa.

Melissa

Me?

You have a career. You have purpose. A direction in life. Me? I just flutter about on society business.