Pig Three quotes from The Raccoons

I've been expecting this kind of unhanded chicanery! In fact, I've had a little quiz prepared just for the occasion. It should prove exactly who you are not!

Pigs

(in unison) All set sir!

Fasten your seatbelt 'Simon', you're in for a bumpy ride! Only my real brother can answer any of these questions! Fire away!

Um, um, what size boots did you used to wear?

Simple. Eight!

Uh, he's right sir!

He is? Well that's a stupid question! Anyone could have guessed that right. Ask him another one!

Er, okay... what colour were your old boots?

No peeking!

Green.

Right again sir.

What? A lucky guess. Give him a tough one this time.

Um, okay, um... did these boots have any buckles?

Is that all you're going to ask him? Questions about boots?! Who cares! Didn't you find anything else in that trunk? ANYTHING AT ALL?

All we got were his boots.

And here's three more! (He proceeds to kick the pigs away)

It's a benefit show!

Yeah? Well, I've never turned down a benefit.

Great! Follow us!

Er, who's the benefit for?

Us!

Er...Us, yeah. U-S. Unemployed stone farmers! Us!

Unemployed stone farmers? That's a good one on me.

There's $50,000 in prize money up for grabs in that pylon race! And you're going to win it!

(mumbling) Or die trying!

What happened to you three?

It's a sad and a painful story.

Oh yeah. We didn't even see the cement truck! No, not at all!

And what do you think the chances are of being hit by a meteorite?

Zero. What can I do for you?

We want to place an ad. For a pilot.

A pilot? The race'll be over before the Standard comes out.

Well that's not our problem. But the boss can't say we didn't try!

I said, give me the car keys!

No way Jose. This is the boss' car.

He'd send us to the smokehouse if we let anyone drive it!

I just had a brilliant idea. I know how we can make some easy money.

Oh Lloyd... that's my favourite kind!

Mr Knox

Er, what's with the disguises boys? Does Mr Sneer disapprove of your catering business?

Oh no, the boss backs us all the way!

Yeah usually he's on our backs.

Er, besides, we're not in disguise!

No, no, it's er, it's er, protection from the sun!

The ozone layer, it's breaking down you know. And we're very sensitive to ultraviolet rays!

Mr Knox

I see...

Oh it's a disaster! Our first catering contract just went up in smoke!

No, he just went up the stairs!

JP and Knox are inside the athletic club Boss.

I can't picture Knox doing pushups!

Oh my... they were here!

The steam bath boss! They must be in there!

(walking into steam room) Good work boys. You'll get a raise for this.

A raise!

JP? JP Gordon? Have I got something for you!

(horrified) Oh, there's a man in here!!!

Oops... so much for our raise.

Alright... I'm through pussyfooting around! We're going to tunnel into Knox's mansion!

Oh, Lady Baden-Baden won't like that, boss. You know how she hates muddy footprints all over the house.

We were planning to practice our tennis serves.

If you don't get out to that warehouse I'll serve you... with apples in your mouths!

How could the boss fire us like that?

We never even got the chance to make up any excuses!

We never even got the chance to make any lunch!

LUNCH?!?

(on the intercom) Pigs! It's time we fix that phantom's wagon. You three get over to that theatre, find the phantom and get rid of it! I'm going to be part of Knox's big deal, even if it kills me!

Hm! He means even if it kills us!

Bert

Okay Broo, we've got one super dooper spook sensitive tape recorder!

Two garlands of garlic to stave off evil spirits!

Bert

An XL 3-33 special phantom camera filter!

Four wooden stakes to drive through the hearts of vampires!

Bert

A five pound bag of flour for the old 'throw the flour on the ectoplasm' routine!

And a slick vacuum to suck up ghostly apparitions - it says so in the guarantee!

Bert

I tell you Broo - we have the will, we have he technology, and soon we'll have the phantom!

Melissa

All we want are a few details.

We can't tell you anything. This is top secret! Strictly need-to-know basis.

And the boss says you don't need to know anything!

As a matter of fact, we don't even know what you don't need to know!

I see a career in politics for these three.