Ralph Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Wow! Melissa would love... this story.

Bert

You can clip it out and save it for. She'll be back soon. I guess.

Melissa!

Bert

Wha-... what are you doing here?!

Melissa

I've got fired for my first assignment! Isn't that wonderful?

Oh. I'm sorry, Melissa.

Melissa

Well, I'm not. Something happened to make me realize I'm the one who has to make my own decisions. I knew you all meant well. But you were putting all your hopes on me for getting what I might want. And I've decided I know what I want... for now.

What's that, Melissa?

Melissa

I want... one of Bert's peanut butter sandwich specials, and a nice hot cup of tea!

Bert

(laughs) One special comin' up!

I should've listen to you, Melissa. I'm sorry. Boy, am I glad you're back!

Bert

Yeah, me too, Melissa. You're the only one who appreciates my cooking.

Melissa

Oh, Bert!

Okay, Bentley. I talked to your parents and they're very worried. They said it's alright for you to stay here for a while. I told them you were okay, but they'd rather hear it from you.

They'd be better off if they never heard from me again.

Melissa

That's a terrible thing to say, Bentley.

I think I'll go for a walk.

Bert

Want me to come with you, little buddy?

I'd rather be alone, Bert.

Bert

Don't worry. Bentley will come around. I know kids.

What do you think of the Standard's new slogan? "The Standard meets the standard"!

Bert

Well, I've heard better.

I'll work on it.

Melissa

Ralph Raccoon, what has gotten in to you? You can't treat your friends that way just because you want to win a newspaper award!

Melissa, I'm a professional. I've been nominated editor of the year, and if I can't depend on my staff to turn the Standard into the best paper ever printed, then...

Melissa

If you keep this up, you won't have any staff!

Have you got those photos yet, Melissa or do I have to do that to?

Melissa

They're in the camera, Ralph. I know you want the photos done properly, so you can develop them yourself!

Oooh! Melissa, wait! Waah.. oof (Ralph trips on an ink puddle) All right then, I WILL do it myself and it'll be the best issue of the standard ever!

Oh no! The paper! I must have slept right through!

Bert

Don't worry Ralphie boy, it's all under control. Care for a copy of the early edition?

You mean you worked all night after I was such a...

Bert

Pain?

Melissa

Tyrant?

Schaeffer

Ogre?

Yeah... I guess I was. I'm sorry gang. I wanted to win so badly I guess I let things get carried away.

Bert

(about Sid Leech, who was exposed after posing as Simon Sneer) An old childhood friend of Simon's! In fact, he and Simon went to school together!

Oh, high school?

Bert

Elementary, my dear Ralph. Elementary! (laughs)

Bert

If there's anything you wanna talk about, just let me know, okay?

I will. Thanks, Bert.

Bert

Okay, Ralph. Uh, I'll see you later.

What happened to you three?

It's a sad and a painful story.

Oh yeah. We didn't even see the cement truck! No, not at all!

And what do you think the chances are of being hit by a meteorite?

Zero. What can I do for you?

We want to place an ad. For a pilot.

A pilot? The race'll be over before the Standard comes out.

Well that's not our problem. But the boss can't say we didn't try!

Gee Ralph, are you sure you're up to this? You haven't logged all that many flying hours.

Maybe not Cedric. But I've had it up to here with Troy Malone. I'm going to give him a run for his money.

It's not his money. It's my money. Now get out there and bring back that fifty grand. And don't wreck my plane!

Bert

You were TERRIFIC! That's the best crash I ever saw!

Huh... thanks Bert... I think.

Here's lookin' at you, kid!

Melissa

(laughs)

(clears throat)

Troy! Pull up a chair and join us!

Melissa

Yes!

Oh no, I just came to say goodbye. Besides, three's a crowd. No hard feelings about the race? Eh, Ralph?

Of course not! (pause) Well... wherever you're off to, we wish you the best of luck, Troy.

Thanks Ralph, Melissa. (mumbles) Well... it's on.

Cedric's horoscope says to rise above his problems. And according to Bert's horoscope, he might find himself in a high place!

You mean the mountains?

Yes.

I don't put much stalk in horoscopes Lady Baden-Baden, but I suppose it's as good place as any to start looking.

The stars never lie! Just ask Knoxie.

Mr Knox

I don't think consulting the charts will do any good my sweet.

But Knoxie, you've always depended on my charts to guide you.

Mr Knox

Well my dear, you see I always made my own business decisions. I couldn't hurt your feelings by telling you that.

Hmm... how interesting. Wonderful. My son's been out there all night while we've been looking in the wrong place.

Oh Cyril! I thought... I thought I was helping.

No one's blaming you Lady Baden-Baden. The mountains were as good a place to look as any. But where do we look for Bert and Cedric now? It's a big forest out there.

Bert

Ralph?

Yeah Bert?

Bert

Ever have a girlfriend?

Sure did pal.

Bert

What happened?

I married her.