Ralph Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Honestly, if I hear that love song one more time...

Melissa

Oh come on Ralph! Don't you remember what your first crush felt like?

Yeah, I had a hard time getting over it. But I wrote poetry. It's quieter.

You designed this vault Cedric. What are Tromboni's chances?

Well if I were him I'd pack a lunch!

Why, what's this?

Whoo hoo hoo? Poor kid who had to wear that ridiculous costume?

I wore it. In the Easter play.

Oh? Well, what do I know about fashion?

Bert

Gee, we're really going to miss you around here.

Are you sure you have to go?

I'm afraid so boys. I've given it a lot of thought and I know now I was just afraid of facing something new. So I'm off to City Collegit to learn more about the new fangled technology Bentley has been showing me. I'm going to be a teacher and a student. After all, someone has to run the new Evergreen Elementary and the Cyril Sneer Wing when it's built. Right?

All right!

Come on Miss Primrose! Let's get going! I want to look around our new school, 'cos we're going to be the new faces this year!

Melissa

(To Bert and Cedric) You two look like you just lost your best friend.

Oh, things just aren't going so good that's all.

Well, now I know what they mean when they say skateboarding's a downhill sport!

Bert

(Crestfallen) Heh. A buck fifty. I raised a buck fifty.

And it was very nice of you to lend her the money Bert!

Bert

A buck fifty! I paid more for my pet lizard!

Melissa

All we want are a few details.

We can't tell you anything. This is top secret! Strictly need-to-know basis.

And the boss says you don't need to know anything!

As a matter of fact, we don't even know what you don't need to know!

I see a career in politics for these three.

That guy has no respect for the press! Something smells in the Rotco corporation!

Melissa

Well then, we just have to get in there and sniff out the story. Let me try my feminine wiles!

Melissa

I must be getting rusty.

Not in my books, baby!

Bert

Wow! Ralph, it's here! It finally came!

Er, what's finally here Bert?

Bert

Oh I ordered this months ago, I thought it was never going to come! A Silver Silhouette remote bomber! And with this remote control, I can make it do loops, dives, barrel rolls! Why, it can do practically anything!

Can it make a pizza crust?

Looks like the bomber had a change in orders Bert!

Bert

Ralph... I've been ripped off!

Good news Bert! I got the name of the president of the company who sells the remote bomber!

Melissa

And from everything we could find out about this guy, he's a real weasel!

His name is Milton Midas.

Bert

Milton Midas?

I know. Isn't television great?

Bert

I could introduce a new recipe. Dare-deviled eggs! (Laughs)

That sounds about right, coming from a canned ham!

Someone shipped this garbage to us, so we ship it to someone else!

But that's not solving the problem! That's just passing it along!

It solves our problem!

Bert

I did a sloppy job on the fireworks. I should have worked harder on everything!

Melissa

You just worked too hard on too many things Bert.

Bert

Yeah, and I let all my friends down.

Bert, we are your friends, and that's what makes it alright to say no to us.

Melissa

We don't expect you to be a superman.

We understand.

Bert

Gee, thanks guys.

Okay Schaeffer, how about this? If we change the ice hockey game to the football game, that means we can watch the baseball playoff, and still catch the golf tournament!

Schaeffer

Not bad, but, what about the snooker challenge?

Oh yeah. Wait! It's on during the baseball game! We could flip between innings!

Melissa

Ralph?

Hi Melissa. Oh hi Nicole. Didn't hear you come in.

Melissa

Look what we've got! Tickets for the ballet for Wednesday! We stood in line for two hours but...

Wednesday... Wednesday... Ah, here we are! Oh, gee! Not a chance, Melissa! We've got to watch the divisional synchronized swimming finals on Wednesday!

Schaeffer

And third round sumo wrestlings on right after.

Melissa

Oh well, you couldn't miss that, could you?