Ralph Raccoon quotes from The Raccoons

Nobody can make gold! It's impossible!

Bert

The impossible is what I specialise in!

Bert

Me without Cedric is like peanut butter without bananas, campfires without marshmallows...

(To Schaeffer) Bert without a messy room!

Schaeffer

We got a little help from that foghorn!

Bert

WHAT?! That was ME singing!

Gee, I thought it sounded familiar!

Melissa

Bert, isn't it a bit unusual to be up this early?

Nonsense Melissa, every day Bert rises at the crack of noon!

That cologne could ruin a skunk's self confidence!

Bert

Wha... what do you mean? This stuff is great!

Bert, that "stuff" could end the cockroach problem!

Melissa

Ralph! I think we've got everything we need for our canoe trip!

Bert

Yeah, Ralphie, uh... as an experienced explorer, I can tell you, uh... you gotta travel light.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me. Here, Bert. Pack these. They'll come in handy.

Melissa

Oh, no.

Bert

(chuckles) Hey, listen to this! 100 Different Moose Calls... Travel by the Stars... Official History of the Can Opener! (chuckles)

Boy, am I looking forward to this trip to the great outdoors! I just love roughing it!

Bert

Yeah! And you won't even have cable!

Bert

Oh, that must be Cedric!

Hi, Melissa! Ralph?

Oh! Uh... hi, Aunt Gertie!

It's so good to see you!

Uh, Aunt Gertie, we were just expecting you! She's not supposed to arrive here till the 18th!

Bert

Huh? Uh... today is the 18th, Ralph.

Oh, no!

And this must be Bert. I've heard so much about you.

Bert

Oh yeah. Pleased to meet you. (to Aunt Gertie) Can I get you a wheelchair? I mean, a chair?

It's okay, my legs still work, dear.

Melissa

Hey! I don't remember pitching the tent this close to the water! Something strange is going on here.

Nonsense Melissa! It must have been a heavy dew!

(livid) Bert, you've ruined it!

Bert

Well... it's only a matter of taste, Ralph.

Melissa

How's your tribute coming along?

When all is said and done, Cyril Sneer was truly, truly...

Melissa

Yes?

That's as far as I got!

I'm here to tell you that I, Cyril Sneer, will finance Sir Malcolm's next expedition. It's just my, er, small contribution towards the expedition of this wide and mysterious world of ours. For the benefit of humanity.

(To Melissa) Of course, the treasure has nothing to do with it!

Bert's certainly gone a bit overboard on the story about Sir Malcolm. It reads like one of his books; good story, but very few facts.

What do you mean Ralph?

Well, I've tried supporting evidence for some of Sir Malcolm's claims, but there's just no proof.

And some of the places he talks about aren't even on the map.

Bert

Of course they're not on the maps! They're lost cities Cedric!

Bert

Bix is cool, and he thinks I'm cool too, and that's cool!

What's this, the polar bear club?

Melissa

Cedric was looking for you today.

Bert

He was?

Mm-hmm! And it looked like he just lost his best friend.

Bert

Gee you're right, I have been ignoring Cedric. I'm gonna find him right now! Thanks Melissa! See ya Ralph!

Bert

What's it gonna be? Peanut butter pancakes or peanut butter waffles?

Pancakes, please. Oh and hold the peanut butter.

Bert

Hold the peanut butter? Sheesh! Some people have no taste!