David Wallace quotes from The Office (US)

David Wallace

How could you possibly think this was a good idea?

Dwight

Many ideas were not appreciated in their time.

Michael

Electricity.

Dwight

Shampoo.

Michael

I have no shortage of company names.

David Wallace

Michael...

Michael

That's one of them.

David Wallace

A cheese platter?

Andy

Oui, oui, monsieur. From the Wisconsin region: a nice, firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan. Here you will find here a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a quick trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine blue cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the Goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese. Bon appétit.

Michael

David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as.

David

I'm not going to guess. You can tell me, or I will hang up.

Michael

I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.

David

Michael...

Michael

I am Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis--a woman--has uslurped my role as Santa.

David

Oh, sorry, mate.

Michael

[in a poor British accent] "Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me, mate."

David

[laughing] What are you doing?

Michael

English.

David

You're picking on the wrong person, I can tell you that much.

Michael

No, no, I'm not picking on you at all! You're English, correct?

David

Yeah, big time, yeah. Who are you?

Michael

I'm working on an English character. It's called Reginald Pooftah.

David

Oh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?

Michael

Michael Scott.

David

Oh, righty-o. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. Not politically correct, but he's called Ho Lee [bleep]. That's what it sounds like.

Michael

I do Ping!

David

"Herro! Herro!"

Michael

"Herro, I'm Ping!"

David

You can't do that these days.

Michael

No, no, no, and people don't understand that it has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.

David

No, no, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said! Hahahahaha!!!

Michael

That's good! A pleasure to meet you!

David

Where are you working?

Michael

Dunder Mifflin.

David

Any jobs going?

Michael

No, not right now.

David

Just let me know.

Michael

Alright. See you around.

David

OK, man.

Michael

Bye-bye. [David walks off] What a nice guy.