Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

Maggie

Wow, Fran, you look so hot in that dress!

Fran

Uh-oh, I'm supposed to look like Ms. Babcock. I tried to dress conservatively. Niles, can you picture Ms. Babcock in this dress?

Niles

Not if I ever want to function as a man again.

Fran

Okay, Niles, I'm off to be Ms. Babcock. Help me get into character. Hit me with your best shot.

Niles

Oh, no, Ms. Fine. I couldn't possibly.

Fran

C'mon! Hello, hello, I'm C.C. Babcock, off to go to work.

Niles

In your usual corner? [Stops] I'm sorry, Ms. Fine. Don't make me do this.

Fran

I'm Ms. Babcock and I'm off to get money from a man.

Niles

Don't forget your change belt. [Stops again] I hate myself... Do it again.

Fran

No, I have to go.

Niles

Oh, c'mon, one more, I'm hot!

Fran

All right and I'll make this one easy. Niles, get me a drink. I'm dog-tired.

Niles

[Thinks hard]

Fran

C'mon... I don't hear anything... Niles, get a life. [Leaves]

Niles

I got it! I got it! [Opens the door and shouts] I'll leave the lid up on the toilet bowl! [Apologetically] Officer.

Fran

Honey, I think you should hike up your pants a little bit.

Brighton

No, Fran, this is cool.

Fran

No, honey, this is the Maytag repair man.

Fran

Maggie, who does Ms. Babcock hate more, me or Niles?

Maggie

Whoa! God, this is hard. She hates both your guts.

Fran

Yeah, but I make her nauseous.

Niles

I make her drink.

C. C.

These are the topics we can no longer discuss: what Woolite can and cannot do, anyone with the last name "Cassidy", odd-shaped moles on Eastern Europeans...

Fran

All right, okay, but you're really restricting the conversation.

Nanny Fine, you're alone with the kid for two minutes and he wants to quit show business?!

Niles

If only we could put her in a room with Tori Spelling.

I could kill you. I could rip out your heart with my bare hands!

Fran

...She doesn't have a key to the house, does she? Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe it's all for the best.

No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine; it is not all for the best at all!

Fran

But you yourself said that the kid was a pain in the butt!

Alright, Miss Fine, let me see if you can follow this, hmm? Sky: blue! Fire: hot. Actor: pain in the butt! You are going to rectify this situation.

Fran

Wow, that sounds painful...

You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, take him to the best restaurant in town and order the most expensive thing on the menu!

Fran

Well, all right. But I'm not taking the limo!

Oh, yes, you are!

Fran

Slave driver! [Leaves and returns] But there is no way you are buying me a new dress!

Oh yes— [Realizes what's going on] GET OUT!

Fran

Niles, did my mother call?

Niles

Well, I'm not sure. There was one call. A sob, a sigh and a long plaintive "oooooooyyyy."

Fran

Either that's her or AT&T is really depressed that we switched to Sprint. I can't believe she would stoop to prank guilt calls.

Niles

How low can she go?

Fran

You're talking about a woman who can grow a tumor on command.

Fran

[Seeing C.C. on the floor] Cheers! Must be 5 o'clock somewhere.

C. C.

I haven't been drinking, Nanny Fine. I just slid off the couch.

Fran

And Ted Kennedy's nose is just sun-damaged.

Fran

Just for the future, Mr. Sheffield, when the kids say: "Fran said no", that's the big robot going: "Danger, Will Robinson!"

You know, I could have stayed in England.

Fran

I'll make it simple for you. Children are like a brassiere.

[With a pained look on his face] One part of me says, "Get out the window, quick!" But the other part just has to know why.

Fran

Because they divide and separate.

Ah!

Fran

Your mother never told you that?

No, but we always thought Mummy should have talked more about her underwear.

Max what are we really talking about here, I mean in one word.

Support.

Good, Fran in one word.

One word? (Laughs) Good Bloody luck (Continues to laugh and smile, Looks at Fran then looks at Sally and the Audience and nods his head)

Fran

Hey mister (Max looks at Fran while still smiling) they had to turn the music on to get you off the stage at the Tony awards (Fran points at Max and makes a talking motion with her hand, Max takes a deep breath and looks at Fran then the audience)

Kids, Maxwell will you at least concede that perhaps you could have been a little bit more sympathetic to Fran's feelings on the Picket line?

Well I suppose I, maybe i Might could have been (making faces the whole time)

Fran

I missed that Sally your gonna have to send me a transript

Well look it was a very important night for me, your important to me, ergo i wanted you there

Fran

Ergo, who's ergo? (Max looks at Fran)

Sally Sally, Girlfriend, Did you hear what the man just said? he said your important to him.

Fran

(looking at Max) it that what you said?

(looking at Fran) Yes

Fran

Well why can't they just communicate, you know if we were running the world (referring to women) there would be no wars, Right girls? (all the women in the audience agree).

But because, because there would be so much bloody talk there would be no time for war, isn't that true gentlemen? (nobody in the audience agree's with him except Niles and Brighton)

Fran

What did I tell you about snooping?

Grace

That there should always be a lookout.

Fran

Good! Go wait in the hall.

oeh, i have located the black box [holds up some kind of computer] i can't believe he just leaves it lying around [Fran squeals, Maxwell walks in and Fran quickly sits on a drawer]

Fran

Miss Babcock...Babs baby [Maxwell stands next to C.C.]

ssshhh

Fran

Babi honey

No it's alright i do this all the time [Fran makes a face as Maxwell looks shocked] how do you think i now were he is every minute? Now what was his password?

Busted?

No Maxwell would never [turns] oeh, Maxwell i uh was just looking for the [mumbles something] file and i just rememberd where i left it [walks out]

Stay out of the guestroom! [C.C. quickly walks the other way]

So what brings you here, Miss Fine? [sits on his desk]

Fran

Oh, nothing.

Maxwell

Children are doing well?

Fran

Uh huh.

Maxwell

Household running okay?

Fran

Oh yeah.

Maxwell

Anything on fire?

Fran

No, no.

Maxwell

Then get out!

Fran

What?

Maxwell

I was just thinking...before you came into my life, I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.

Don't you have a big reunion tomorrow night?

Fran

[Swooning] Yeah...

Well, I'm the hombre who's taking you.

Fran

Oh, my God! This is amazing! This is like a dream! How could this be?

Grace

We told him how desperate you were.

Fran

[Still ecstatic] Oh, THANK YOU!!

So, Ms. Fine, back from the batting cages. How did my boy do?

Fran

Well... He made contact with the ball. And, er, he'll have a great career if the Bee Gees ever get back together.