Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

C. C.

Hey, kids, you know when I'm down in the dumps, what cheers me up?

Fran

A fifth of scotch and a fresh pack of batteries?

Fran

Hi. I'm Fran and this is Gracie.

[One of the contestants] I'm Bobbi Jo and this is my daughter Betty Jo.

Fran

How are things in Petticoat Junction? [They share polite laughter]

So is this your first beauty pageant?

Fran

Hardly. Yours?

Oh, 'fraid not. Ms. Sun Svelte 1982.

Fran

'83 Ms. Manny, Moe & Jack.

'84 Ms. Leon County.

Fran

'85 Ms. Union Turnpike.

'87 finalist, Ms. Universe.

Fran

Oh. Nothing in '86, huh?

First day of school already, huh? Summer just flew by.

Fran

Spoken by a man who did not see The Lion King 257 times.

( asking Maxwell a question) are they with you?

(Talking about Fran and Val) No, don't know them, Never saw them, Perfect strangers

Fran

Mr. Sheffeild

Oh and I might be gay (winks and gives thumbs up to security guard)

Fran

Honey, you're talking to a woman whose underpants fell off in Bloomingdales.

Brighton

What did you do?

Fran

I kicked 'em down to the Lancome counter and kept on walking.

Fran

To bad she was going to fix me up with her boss. English, Handsome, Rich all right he's got a couple of kids but i could live with that.

Well maybe next time huh.

Brighton

Did you know that if you squeeze coal really hard it turns into a diamond?

Fran

Not true. One summer, me and Val went through a whole bag of Kingsford briquettes trying for earrings.

Brighton

No luck, huh?

Fran

No way, but to this day, I got a handshake like Lou Ferrigno.

Fran

Do I sound like I'm coming down with a cold?

Niles

Constantly.

(about Maxwell reading his play) He hates it.

Fran

What are you listening to him for, he passed on Cats.

Maxwell

It was singing pussycat people in a giant garbage can. What would you have done?

Fran

Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running.

Yetta

(commenting on Brighton and Grace) These kids. They got nothing from you!

Sylvia

Mom, these are not Fran's children. Fran doesn't have any children. She's not married. SHE'S ALL ALONE!!!

Fran

Louder, Ma. I don't think they heard you IN URUGUAY!!!

Grace

You have no idea how cruel children can be.

Fran

Honey, I've had this voice since the second grade. Need I say more?

Fran

Does anybody know what today is?

Niles

Another one of your colorful holidays involving plagues?

This woman, my nanny, is accused of a crime that I can assure you she didn't commit.

Prostitution?

Fran

I'm not a HOOKER! I'm a kidnapper.

Maggie

Say, some of the kids are going to the Hamptons for the weekend.

Fran

Oh, great! Will there be boys there?

Maggie

Um... Maybe a few.

Fran

Fun! Parents? Ah! Who cares? They'll just get in the way anyway. Go! Have a blast! We don't even have to tell your father.

Maggie

Really?

Fran

Sure! And when I'm fired and you're in the convent, we'll write each other letters and laugh about this.

Fran

You know what I think? You're jealous because Phillipe discovered something that was right under your nose.

And what would that be exactly?

Fran

My star quality!

That's rather like discovering the atomic bomb. Sounds good in theory but millions will suffer!