Maxwell Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

Maxwell

I Knew It. I knew it!!........ Andrew Loyd Webber is God

Maxwell Sheffield

I overreacted. Didn't I?

Niles

Like Reagan in Grenada.

Fran

I just hope there's enough food. You know, shiksas are notorious for not ordering enough food. Booze, yes, but food, they don't know from.

Maxwell

Shiska. Is that like a tchotcke?

Fran

Yes, but they cost a lot more.

(about Maxwell reading his play) He hates it.

Fran

What are you listening to him for, he passed on Cats.

Maxwell

It was singing pussycat people in a giant garbage can. What would you have done?

Fran

Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running.

C. C.

What do I have to do to please anyone around this house?!

[Warningly] Niles...

Niles

But, sir. Fish gotta swim.

Maxwell

Control yourself, man.

Niles

Very well, sir. [as C.C laughs] Lemon? [Squeezes lemon into C.C's eye]

oeh, i have located the black box [holds up some kind of computer] i can't believe he just leaves it lying around [Fran squeals, Maxwell walks in and Fran quickly sits on a drawer]

Fran

Miss Babcock...Babs baby [Maxwell stands next to C.C.]

ssshhh

Fran

Babi honey

No it's alright i do this all the time [Fran makes a face as Maxwell looks shocked] how do you think i now were he is every minute? Now what was his password?

Busted?

No Maxwell would never [turns] oeh, Maxwell i uh was just looking for the [mumbles something] file and i just rememberd where i left it [walks out]

Stay out of the guestroom! [C.C. quickly walks the other way]

So what brings you here, Miss Fine? [sits on his desk]

Fran

Oh, nothing.

Maxwell

Children are doing well?

Fran

Uh huh.

Maxwell

Household running okay?

Fran

Oh yeah.

Maxwell

Anything on fire?

Fran

No, no.

Maxwell

Then get out!

Fran

What?

Maxwell

I was just thinking...before you came into my life, I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.

Just spare me the details.

Niles

Alright, but it's about Danny and Heather Biblow.

Maxwell

Alright, come on, dish!

Niles

Well, you didn't hear it from me, but Heather wants Val out of the bridal shop so Danny fired her.

Maxwell

He didn't!

Niles

He did.

Fran

That's what i was gonna wear on our honeymoon night.

Maxwell

There's nothing in here but lip gloss.

Fran

Suffer

Maxwell

It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.

Fran

You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.

Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!

Fran

Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.

You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!

Maxwell

No. You did!

Oh, Niles, do you think that Ms. Babcock's upset that I asked Nanny Fine out on a date?

Niles

Oh, no sir.

Maxwell

Well, I'd hate for her to think that I didn't like her.

Niles

(innocently) Oh, wherever would she get that idea?

Maxwell

Oh, I don't know. Maybe from SOME BIG FAT BUTLER SCREAMING IT IN HER FACE! (Niles clutches his heart, takes something out from his pocket, and puts it in his mouth) Oh, stop it, I know those are bloody Tic-Tacs!

I can't believe it in just 24 hours from now I'll be holding Mrs. Sheffield in my arms. are you as happy I am?

Niles

This is the happiest day of my life. Congratulations, sir.

Maxwell Sheffield

Thank you, Niles.

Fran

Hey, what about me I'm the woman who's making you the happiest man in the world.

Niles

Ms. Fine, Congratulations.

Wait what's the suitcase for? Wait a minute I know, if we elope now, the sooner we get to our wedding night.

Fran

Excuse me, you made me wait 5 years, and now all of a sudden because you're in the mood, you think that I'm gonna come to you just like that (snaps fingers)? Come to mama!

So what you're so excited you're packed for our honeymoon already

Fran

Oh sweetie I'm a Jewish woman going on a two-month cruise do you really think this is all the clothes I'm going to need?

Yes

Fran

Oh, Oh Honey. oh I wish I could stay but I gotta go to ma's

What?!

Fran

Yea you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride 24 hours before the Ceremony

But sweetheart we have the house all to ourselves

Fran

oh i know but no no sweetie oh. (Her watch beeps) Gotta go.

What?

Fran

Yep that was a warning we only have 2 minutes left.

I can do it in 2 minutes

Fran

you can?

well darling it has been 5 years

Fran

Sweetie, I'm sorry. It's just that they're upset over Niles. They can sense these things.

They're rubber and their butts are stamped "Made in Taiwan". What can they sense?

Fran

That their daddy doesn't love them.

ME, You're the one who almost melted Frankie on the toaster oven.

Fran

well I was trying to make you a pita pocket, I need Niles.

Darling i know he's your best friend i know how you feel about him.

Fran

I know it must be hard for you to see Ms. Babbcock go seeing as you both were romantically involved.

Maxwell Sheffield

we were not.

Fran

Just Checking

Maxwell Sheffield

darling i don't know maybe this is the best thing for both of them, I mean you and I we made a huge change in our life, maybe they deserve to do the same.

Fran

oh i know you're right I'm being selfish there a so many things a man like Niles can do out there. Can you think of any?

C.C will be alright she can find a position in any organization that needs a, an um. we have to stop them.