Brighton Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

Brighton

Why does everyone assume the worst of me?

Fran

It saves time.

Fran

Oh Mr. Sheffield, I hope I didn't screw up your play.

Well frankly after how Brock treated you this evening I'm not sure I'd care to work with him anyway.

Fran

Oh, that's too bad too, cause now he could really hit those high notes. [claps her hand together] [Mr Sheffield looking shocked]

Brighton

Does that mean she kicked him in the–?

Goodnight Brighton.

Brighton

Remember, Fran, afterwards, you can have all the ice-cream you want.

Fran

Swell. If I live, I'll be hippy.

Fran

Honey, you're talking to a woman whose underpants fell off in Bloomingdales.

Brighton

What did you do?

Fran

I kicked 'em down to the Lancome counter and kept on walking.

Brighton

Did you know that if you squeeze coal really hard it turns into a diamond?

Fran

Not true. One summer, me and Val went through a whole bag of Kingsford briquettes trying for earrings.

Brighton

No luck, huh?

Fran

No way, but to this day, I got a handshake like Lou Ferrigno.

Fran

Honey, I think you should hike up your pants a little bit.

Brighton

No, Fran, this is cool.

Fran

No, honey, this is the Maytag repair man.

Brighton

This will be a great party. A bunch of 60-year-old ladies pinching my cheeks.

Maggie

Learn to love it. That's as close to a woman as you'll ever get.

Brighton

I feel terrible. I should have defended you yesterday but I totally wimped out.

Fran

Oh, sweetie... sweetie, listen. All you did was pass out, puke, and pee in your pants. You were in Central Park. You fit right in.

Fran

Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!

Brighton

So?

Fran

Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She's gonna wanna come in and meet all your little friends.

Brighton

[higher-pitched] So?

Fran

Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.

Brighton

[repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!

Fran

It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look from val] What? I'm still his nanny.

I told mother no one should get a hold of their trust fund until they're at least 30 years old.

Brighton

30?! I'm not gonna have a date 'til I'm 30!

Fran

Honey, at least when you turn 30, you'll be rich. When I turn 30, I'll be... 40.

I'm gonna go upstairs and try on my old wedding gown. C'mon, kids, come help zip me up.

Brighton

I'll get the pliers.

Niles

I mean what do we really know about this Chandler fellow Miss. Babcock's so fond of?

Where did that Psychiatrist get his degree? is what I'd like to know

Brighton

Gin

I mean what kind of imbecile encourages a single woman to go out with two couples like some kind of fifth wheel

Niles

Yes it's madness sir

I sent her to that Psychiatrist to stop this dating lunacy and get her to spend more time here with me...well um the children

Fran

[Counselling Niles] All this anger and bitterness is just a mask for low self-esteem. Where does all this come from?

Brighton

Hey, Niles, could you wash my underwear?

Alright, now this Is It. Now, if they start to shoot our row, I don't want anyone making rabbit ears behind anyone else's heads, alright? Just behave yourselves.

Brighton

When did I ever do that?

I wasn't speaking to you.

Niles

Oh, one time at the Angela Lansbury roast. Would you let It go?

Brighton

Is it true back then people used to listen to their music on some sort of primitive large black vinyl disc?

Fran

Only when we weren't enjoying our favorite pastime, child hurling.