Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

Fran

Honey, to you, Brighton's an obnoxious brother. But to other little girls, he's 79 pounds of pure stud muffin.

Grace

Ew!

Fran

Mr. Sheffield, the only thing that Andrew Lloyd Webber has that you don't is a middle name.

I've got a middle name.

Fran

Well, there you are! What is it?

Beverly.

Fran

Moving on.

Fran

Yetta, you didn't drop anything under the table and go look for it did ya?

Yetta

One time, just to see if i still had it.

Oh my god...that was you?

Yetta

That was you?

Fran

Do you two want to be alone?

Niles

Oh dear. That was the last apple.

Oh, I'm sorry, old man. Did you want it?

Niles

Well, yes, sir, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it and now it's too late. It was right there in front of me. If only I snatched it up when I had the chance, I wouldn't have this aching hunger.

Good God, man, have a bloody pear!

Niles

Oh dear. That was the last pear.

Fran

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want it?

Niles

Well, yes, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it.

Fran

You snooze, you lose.

Listen, I haven't seen this soap in seven months. Catch me up.

Fran

Well, they're still at Erica's party...

Fran

Alright while your here, do you think I should take this back [holds up a sparkly top, not noticing that she isn't wearing a shirt]

Uh, I think you should put it on...

Fran

No, I already had it on, it flattens out my br-. [notices she's in her bra and screams] Mr. Sheffield! Why didn't you say anything?!

Well, I uh...I didn't notice!

Fran

You didn't- you know now I'm beginning to wonder about you to! [gets stuck in her shirt] Oh I can't get it on, I'm stuck, help me.

Oh, relax Miss Fine we'll get it on [Niles walks by and stares with shock as Maxwell tries to take her shirt off]

Fran

Oh Mr. Sheffield I'm so hot!

I can't do this standing up, just...just get on the bed! [sits her down on the bed and sits on top of her]

[ gets it off and she falls on the bed, his mouth falls open in shock as he looks up and sees Niles, Fran notices too]

Niles

...If you let me tell Miss Babcock about this, I'll work free for a year.

C. C.

What did I do?

Fran

Ms. Babcock, your coat. New Zealand Lamb?

So?

Fran

Maybe she had people there?!

Take. It. Off.

Niles

Three words she doesn't hear often. [Niles & Lamb Chop fist-pump together]

Niles, isn't that sweet? You're bonding with the sheep. Not the first one, I'm sure.

Niles

Bravo. You win. Every dog has her day.

(to Maxwell) My room later (licks Maxwell's ear and maxwell being shocked grabs his ear and stands up beside Fran)

Fran

(to Maxwell) Better wear a rubber glove (maxwell gets a shocked look on his face when Fran says that)

Fran

Well, I said it. I knew you'd find some way to blame it all on me.

Niles

[eavesdropping, from outside] Yes, she did, sir.

Fran

But I've got a plan.

Niles

Yes, she does, sir.

Fran

And as you know, my plans never fail.

Niles

[bursts into laughter]

Fran

Excuse me, I need a doctor.

What are your symptoms?

Fran

I'm 30 and still single.

That's funny... 30!

Well congratulations Miss Fine, you were right about your sister. Is there anyone in your family that isn't a complete lunatic?

Fran

Hey! I'll have to get back to you with that one, but hey!

Maggie

Pamela Chapman's so gorgeous, even her mother hates her.

Fran

Sweetie, you've gotta have more self-confidence. All of those over-developed girls just peak in high school.

Val

Yeah, remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world. Then her fiancé dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a na— [stops]

No what i want right now is to be in a pub with my hands wrapped around a tall larger

Fran

A larger? Do the kids know that you're considering an alternate lifestyle?

It's a beer, Miss. Fine.

Fran

Oh well speak english

If you had absolutely no intention of going through with this album cover in the first place. What are we arguing about?

Fran

Well i have no idea i can't shake the image of you picking up Paul Bunyan in a bar

God, it would be easier to have them raised by wolves.

Ms. Fine, I heard about the contest and I just can't bear the thought of you feeling badly about yourself.

Fran

Thank you, Mr. Sheffield. That's awfully sweet of you but, really, there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna make me feel any better.

Well then, I suppose I'd be wasting my breath if I told you no girl could possibly be a match for a woman like you.

Fran

I'd give it a shot.

I think you are one heck of a kisser... I can't remember being kissed like that... With such passion, such abandon, such... suction.

Fran

Well, Danny used to call me his little Dirt Devil.

Fran

Niles, look at the cake for my friend Mona's retirement party.

Niles

It's beautiful.

Fran

It's plaster of Paris.

Niles

Why would anyone buy a fake cake?

Fran

Because I'm gonna take it out of the box, they're all gonna ooh and aah and then say: "No thanks, I'm on a diet". This way, I can use it again plus I can carry it on the bus [under my arm].

Niles

You do know there's a piece broken off the side?

Fran

I know. I had it at my mother's not ten minutes. She said it's dry but if you dunk it in Sanka, it's delish.