C.C quotes from The Nanny

Fran

Look, I can understand you feeling threatened by me.....yes, even in THIS dress! But there is no reason that we can't get along under the same roof. Oh, wait, you don't live with us!

Your point?!

Fran

Look, you're a lovely woman, and I wish you well. But if you ever hurt one of my kids again, they'll be wiping your blue blood off the walls! And I mean that in the nicest possible way!

C. C.

Synthetic fur. How P.C. of you.

Fran

P.C.?

As in politically correct.

Fran

Oh, well, it's actually J.C. as in Penney. Your outfit's nice too.

Of course dear, it's an Adolfo.

Niles

As in Hitler?

Maybe I can pick something up at Bloomingdales. [about buying flowers for Fran]

But Maxwell, we have to get to the airport, you're not gonna miss this ceremony, I can't walk down the aisle alone!

Niles

I say prepare for the inevitable. [slams door in C.C.'s face as she turns around angry]

C. C.

Before Nanny Fine, we didn't have to step foot into a place like this.

C.C. girlfriend, gotcha again huh?

You must have me confused with someone else. (to Mr. Sheffield) I have never seen her before in my life.

Oh, is that your game? That's cool, just stay off of 2nd Avenue, Leon is looking for you.

Maxwell, I swear!

Niles

[to the hooker]: Here you go. (gives the hooker money)

That good for you?

Niles

Oh, it was wonderful. I could do it again and again.

I KNEW IT! I knew she had no talent!

People will be walking off in the middle of her performance.

Niles

Just like one of your dates.

If we've got Jack, we got a success. I'll bet my reputation on it!

Niles

Oh, I'm sorry, there's a $5 minimum.

Niles

AHH!

Nanny Fine, you're alone with the kid for two minutes and he wants to quit show business?!

Niles

If only we could put her in a room with Tori Spelling.

I could kill you. I could rip out your heart with my bare hands!

Fran

...She doesn't have a key to the house, does she? Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe it's all for the best.

No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine; it is not all for the best at all!

Fran

But you yourself said that the kid was a pain in the butt!

Alright, Miss Fine, let me see if you can follow this, hmm? Sky: blue! Fire: hot. Actor: pain in the butt! You are going to rectify this situation.

Fran

Wow, that sounds painful...

You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, take him to the best restaurant in town and order the most expensive thing on the menu!

Fran

Well, all right. But I'm not taking the limo!

Oh, yes, you are!

Fran

Slave driver! [Leaves and returns] But there is no way you are buying me a new dress!

Oh yes— [Realizes what's going on] GET OUT!

oeh, i have located the black box [holds up some kind of computer] i can't believe he just leaves it lying around [Fran squeals, Maxwell walks in and Fran quickly sits on a drawer]

Fran

Miss Babcock...Babs baby [Maxwell stands next to C.C.]

ssshhh

Fran

Babi honey

No it's alright i do this all the time [Fran makes a face as Maxwell looks shocked] how do you think i now were he is every minute? Now what was his password?

Busted?

No Maxwell would never [turns] oeh, Maxwell i uh was just looking for the [mumbles something] file and i just rememberd where i left it [walks out]

Stay out of the guestroom! [C.C. quickly walks the other way]

So what brings you here, Miss Fine? [sits on his desk]

Fran

Oh, nothing.

Maxwell

Children are doing well?

Fran

Uh huh.

Maxwell

Household running okay?

Fran

Oh yeah.

Maxwell

Anything on fire?

Fran

No, no.

Maxwell

Then get out!

C. C.

Niles, pour me some more tea. [Niles ignores her and continues chopping vegetables] I want some more tea, Niles. [Niles continues to ignore her.] You are a butler, now buttle!

Niles

Would you like some tea, Miss Babcock?

You know damn well I want some more tea, you imbecile, now pour!!

C.C.!

Maxwell!

Don't speak to Niles like that; poor man isn't a mind-reader!

But... But, Maxwell—!

Niles

Oh, it's alright, sir. Perhaps my hearing isn't what it once was. Forgive me.

[walks in the kitchen, Niles is writing something] Well, I couldn't be happier that Nanny Fine finally found a man. Oh, what are looking so smug about?

Niles

Oh, just an incident in Miss Fine's room last night.

With her and Kurt?

Niles

No, with her and another man.

Ooo, I love it. Tell me, tell me!

Niles

Oh no, I couldn't possibly. I swore I wouldn't say a word. [rips off a note] Read this.

[reads the note] ...WHY?! [her head falls down on the counter] I wanna die!

Niles

There, there, [puts a knife into her purse} now don't do anything rash... [Maxwell walks in]

Hello C.C.

You animal! [walks out]

Niles?!

Niles

[innocently] Sir?

You didn't say anything to Miss Babcock about last night, did you?

Niles

[innocently] No, you told me not to.

(looking closely at a picture) Aha, just as i thought, Kurt's teeth are capped.

What?

I'm not making it up, look, look you can see the little ridges. (holds the picture to her face)

Maxwell, what is wrong with you today? If you're not gonna pay any attention to me, i might as well just go home.

Niles

(opens the window and wistles) TAXI?

C. C.

What did I do?

Fran

Ms. Babcock, your coat. New Zealand Lamb?

So?

Fran

Maybe she had people there?!

Take. It. Off.

Niles

Three words she doesn't hear often. [Niles & Lamb Chop fist-pump together]

Niles, isn't that sweet? You're bonding with the sheep. Not the first one, I'm sure.

Niles

Bravo. You win. Every dog has her day.

Niles

Incoming! [Holds open the door for Shari while still holding a laundry basket]

Thank you very much, Niles.

Niles

Mmm-hmm.

Oof! [Opens the door, holding her head] Didn't you see me?!

Niles

What's your point?

C. C.

[Sees Maxwell and Fran in bed] AHHHHHHH!!!!

[jolted awake] C.C.? What the devil are you doing in here?

What am I doing in here?? Wh-what is...SHE doing in here?!

[Sees he's in bed with a woman] Oh...[Looks to see who it is] Ahh! Ms. Fine!

Fran

[Stirs awake, looks at Maxwell sleepily] Oh, I'm having that dream again...[Reaches out and touches Maxwell's cheek, realizes it's actually him] AHH! MR. SHEFFIELD! [Gathers the bedsheets around herself while scrambling out of the bed] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN–[Looks around] your room?

Niles

[To a wide-eyed, shocked C.C.] Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.

WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET OUT OF MY ROOM?!

Niles

[Follows a still shocked C.C. out] Happy Birthday, Ms. Babcock...

C.C., tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16's"?

Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to outdo each other! I didn't want one.

Fran

No friends?

Niles

None.