TV show quotes
[sobbing] I'm so embarrassed! How could something like getting-revenge-on-a-person take such a dark turn?
Okay, look, don't-don't worry, I'll, uh, I-I'll put out a press release to explain your behavior. Are-are you more comfortable with sun poisoning or demonic possession?
[stops sobbing] No, wait, there is only one way out of this.
Delusional dehydration? That sounds like a thing.
[on Up Late with Miss Piggy to Reese Witherspoon] And I have a couple of words to say to you.
[offstage, to himself] Oh, please let those two words be "I'm sorry."
[with his wing above a red buzzer] I'm ready to bleep if they're not.
Oh, oh! Animal always want to perform with live snakes, but Zoot big baby.
How long have they been married?
Oh, wow, like, how can you measure the intertwining of two souls?
In years.
Oh, then forty.
Aw, come on, Chenoweth, sing at the party!
Yeah, yeah!
Look, my parents mean so much to me, without them, I don't even think I'd be here.
[giggles] Okay, I had so much fun with you guys and I'm open tomorrow so, yeah, let's do it.
Well, thanks for nothing, Kristin Chenoweth; your selfishness just broke and old couple's heart.
[whispering] She said "yes".
Withdrawn.
Oh, what about a scale? That would be thoughtful. Girls are always asking if they look fat; with a scale, they can know for sure.
Well, what about a bag of socks? They're cheap, and if she hates 'em and throws 'em at you, it's not gonna hurt—like that scale did.
[Scooter and Kermit are at Color Me Mine]
You're gonna start with orange?
What's wrong with orange?
Nothing, uh, orange is great if you're painting a, um…a, um…a, um…an orange.
[Kermit has completed a plate featuring him and Denise on their first date]
So you went to the zoo on your first date?
Uh, no, it's a coffee shop.
Oh. Uh, why is there a hippo?
That's a table.
Oh, it was a safari-themed coffee shop! Got it. I guess that explains the giraffe.
[looks at plate That's Denise!
Why is her neck so long?
Scooter, necks are HARD! I... [sighs] Whoopsie Bin?
[takes plate] Yep.
Uh, question—about my seat belt. I think it's just a guitar strap, uh, connected to—nothing.
Everything's connected to something, if you think about it.
Okay, I would just feel safer if mine were, uh, you know, connected to the van in some way, and not just air.
Your van? Last I checked, this van belonged to the universe.
Oh, is that so? Well, maybe next payday, the universe can cut you a cheque.
Wait, what?
You guys get PAID?!
[to Dr. Teeth] You know what your problem is? You think the whole world revolves around you, but it doesn't! It revolves around the moon, which is why we have winter!
[to Miss Piggy] What took you so long!? I ate so much sushi, they named a roll after me. It was eel and cream cheese, it's awful!
Okay, okay, listen. Somebody help the chef get this butter on ice and could we plea— For Pete's sake, Animal, could you play any louder?!
Louder? Okay!
[stumbling on his words] No, not, just—
So, Kermit, we got a great sketch for Patrick Dempsey.
Oh, no, Dempsey's out. We're going with a big block of butter.
Okay, we'll just tweak it. Piggy's having a dream where she's making out with a big block of butter.
Hmm?
Huh, it's actually funnier.
Yeah.
And more realistic.
I was a mechanic back in the service—
Mm-hmm.
—and if you think about it, elevators and helicopters are basically the same thing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppets pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
