The Muppets quotes

Janice

  Oh, um, hey, Kermit?

  Yeah?

Janice

  Uh, there's a lecture on astral projection next Friday…

  Oh, oh!  So you want the day off?

Janice

  No, I'll be here.  I just wanted you to know I'll be there, too.

  [to the camera]  Did you hear that?  Janice just said, "Hey, Sam."  Now, that could mean one of two things: "Hello to you, my colleague Sam," or the more obvious, "I've loved you for a million lifetimes."  [sighs]

  Piggy, be rational.

  Oh, Kermit, that doesn't sound like me at all.

Fozzie Bear

  You know, it's so hot in Phoenix that—[pauses; melancholily]  Aw, who cares?  We're all just hanging by a thread.  Tomorrow's promised to no one.  Enjoy the show.

  Bravo!

  Do these diamonds make me look relatable?

  Oh, it hurts to laugh.  [looks to Fozzie Bear]  I guess I'm safe with you in the room.

Floyd Pepper

  Hey, uh, where do I know you from?

  I don't know, maybe The Office?

Floyd Pepper

  Oh, oh, we work together.  Oh, man, I'm sorry, brother.  I'm Floyd, I'm with the band.  Hey, it's good to see ya, again!  Have a drink!

  Okay.

Fozzie Bear

Every forest ranger will tell you the same thing. Most bear attacks do NOT happen because of hunger. They happen because some bear had his feelings hurt.

  [to Piggy and Scooter]  Uh, excuse me, I don't know whether or not you folks have considered whether or not you should keep believing, but I say [sings] don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin'…

Welcome to the Morning Meeting, everybody... or should I say the "Whenever You Decide to Show Up" Meeting?

Floyd Pepper

Uh, is that the official name now? That works a LOT better for us...

  Okay, okay, look.  You guys all had your fun but now it's time to work.

  [mocks Kermit in a Swedish accent]

  Who said that?  Which one of you said that?

  [to the camera]  So, big guest tonight on Up Late: we have Reese Witherspoon for the first time, but, uh, honestly, I'm a little nervous.  Y'know, but, nerves are good; they keep you sharp.  My cousin, Albert, used to tease me about it, then a hawk carried him off, which, uh, simultaneously proved my point and ruined our camping trip.

  I know what it's like to work with my hands: I grew up on a farm.  I built cows and milked fences.

  I think you mean—

  No, that's what I did!

  [to the camera]  I'm not afraid of Miss Piggy.  She doesn't know what she's up against.  I mean, did you see my movie Wild?  I did all my own walking in that movie, so…

  This thing with Reese is everywhere; it's a P. R. nightmare!

  [irritated]  Not now.

  It's the only video North Korea's allowing it's people to see—other than the one of the Supreme Leader swimming.