Fozzie Bear quotes from The Muppet Show

Fozzie Bear

Simple Simon met a pieman! "Going to the fair?" said Simple Simon to the pieman!

Paul Simon

Uh, let me have a custard pie to go.

Fozzie Bear

To go where?

Paul Simon

Well, here! [pies Fozzie Bear in the face]

Fozzie Bear

Boy, you sure are heavy. You must least weighed a ton.

Well, that's good. That means she's lost weight! [laughs]

Fozzie Bear

Floyd, you shouldn't laugh at Piggy. I mean, she must be terrified.

Terrified? She's petrified! [laughs]

Hey, great news, Miss Piggy! You'll be back to normal in no time. I just got this new book called, "Sandblasting Without Pain"! [laughs]

Hey, hey, Gonzo!

Yeah?

Yeah! Did you know that Miss Piggy is very worried about Kermit?

Worried about Kermit? Why?

Well, she's afraid that she'll have to take him for granite! [laughs]

Kermit

OK. OK, guys. Enough with these big cheap shots.

Aw, come on! I've got another page to go yet.

Kermit

Floyd, how could you be so cruel to a fellow performer? Someone you've known and work with for years. I mean, just take a look at her. She's suffered enough. Have pity upon her.

Miss Piggy

[affectionally] Mmmmmmmm.

Oh, you're right. Well, what will I do with these jokes?

Kermit

Burn them. [leaves to the stage]

[to Miss Piggy] You heard what the frog said. [strikes a match on her]

Miss Piggy

[painfully] MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

[laughs]

Well, It looks like time's running out for us.

Yeah, And for the show, too.

So, Let's bring back our wonderful special guest star, Mr. Hal Linden!

Kermit the Frog

[As he goes on Stage] YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Oh, Kermit. It's good to see you!

It sure is.

Yeah, Tonight was a disaster.

Has it really?

Kermit the Frog

Gee, I thought that was a terrific show.

What are you talking about? There was a lot of confusions and chaos, and a lot of running around like mindless maniacs....

Fozzie Bear

Yeah, Like any good Muppet Show!

Kermit the Frog

And Hal, You're a big part of it.

Oh, Good. I am glad I fit right in.

Well, Kermit. The show is all yours. We are going back to our seats in the box and stay there. [exits the stage]

We didn't know how tough it was down here. From now on, we promise never to say a bad thing about this show again! [exits the stage].

Kermit the Frog

Oh, good! We'll see you again next time on The Muppet Show.

Fozzie Bear

Bye!