TV show quotes
(pushing her grandma) Ugh! C'mon, aunt Lilly and aunt Rose were asking for you all day!
Oh, no... I can't see my sisters, not today. They make me feel old, and fat.
Jasmii-ine!
(beat)
(happily) You're so old.
(disappointed) And fat! Look at your butt...
...Lot a junk in the trunk!
[both laugh at her]
[Jasmine sigh]
(Uncle Eddy is drinking ginger ale in the basement with Roger sitting next to him)
Can I get a sip of that?
(Uncle Eddy breathes fire on Roger's costume with his nostrils and goes back to drinking his ginger ale)
Killer pyrotechnics!
I would puke if I had done it all night at the Mega-Swirl-a-Tron.
New boy at school! New boy at school! [very fast and excited] He just moved here from Walnut Grove, [runs up to Roger] he lives on Devonshire Drive, [runs up to Ray Ray] his eyes are green, his favorite color is blue, [to Ophelia] he likes a light breakfast, usually toast and occasionally cereal with a sliced banana. [breathes] And he's really cute! Crazy cute! So cute you gotta go home and change your outfit cute! ...Which I did, twice.
This boy got a name?
[sighs dreamily] Taylor Evermore.
If supergirl thinks a little something like BANISHMENT is gonna keep "The King of Lies" down, she's got a whole 'nother thing comin' babe! All daddy needs to skip-outta this joint, is another high-ranking magical being to take my place in this cell! And thanks to the fact that you inherited my devastating good looks, Juniper Lee's never gonna see our little scheme coming! NEVER! Remember, once you get her on desecrated grounds, give her the enchanted charm. THEN BING, BANG, BOOM! She is the one in the cage and the Big Man is out the world again! Think about it, kid. You and me, hittin' the open road, spreadin' terror and chaos! Hey! Maybe we could see Mt. Rushmore, hmm?
Yeah, I guess, but she seems, pretty cool.
Loki: Cool? Who's cool?
Juniper.
Whoa! Hold the phone, what did you just say cool? COOL?! ARE YOU OFF YOUR NUT?!
Look, dad, I'm just saying that-
That you've got a "thing" for the chick, who banished your father to the Netherworld?! I am so glad your mother's not around to hear you say that!
'Cause you banished her!
And I will banish you, too, young man if you don't watch your mouth! I am the one who brought you into the third-dimension, and I can take you out!
Right! Like you did to Uncle Teddy, Aunt Gloria, the pizza guy!
When I order a half-veggie, half-pepperoni pan pizza, I expect to get a half-veggie, half-pepperoni pan pizza! Okay we have one mission to accomplish in Orchid Bay city. One, and you will not be distracted by some superhero in a bellyshirt! Do you understand me, mister!? Do you?!
[reluctantly] Yes, sir.
So uh, how come you're holding back?
What are you talking about?
Oh, looks like you're letting that girl win.
[nervously] No I'm not, besides this whole fitness competition's kind of lame anyway, who cares right?
[sarcastically] Right, [not sarcastically] it's just that, um, well you're way better than anybody else around here. Especially those girls...
You think? [smiles at him]
Oh, yeah! Seems kind of wrong to let them represent our school in the finals, it'd be nice if we had somebody, you know, someone who's a better "rson. (looks at June)
JUNIPER LEE! Second and final kick!
Oh, gotta go!
Ophelia, you're not even trying.
Duh.
You're gonna let Mellisa O'Malley and her evil minions beat us?
Wait, wait, wait. You wanna win this thing purely out of spite?
Yeah.
Works for me. [starts doing faster pull-ups]
[laughing] You actually saw Melissa putting on lip gloss during the 50-yard dash?
[also laughing] And, in the middle of her long jump!
[Both laugh harder]
Pardon me lass, but wouldn't actually be trying to win this thing, would ya?!
And what if I am?
Have you completely lost your senses?! You're the Te Xuan Ze for pity's sake! Not only is that an unfair advantage, but you're attracting too much attention.
Oh please, I am totally working under the radar here. Bit by bit I am carefully, carefully, edging out the competition.
June! You just did 173 pull-ups! That's a new international record!
You're beating everyone like rugs, knock it off!
Fine! Buzz kill.
June.
Oh, uh, hey Taylor!
Ready to kick butt out there?
I don't know, a lot of these kids here seem pretty good.
[shows her the charm necklace] Maybe, this'll bring you some extra luck.
Wow, that's so nice of you! [sees Marcus watching them] But sorry I can't, I'm uh, allergic to silver! Yeah, I get hives! Big nasty hives! (Taylor looks at her up and down)
This is made of brass.
Oh, uh, brass even worse! I get the hives plus you know, uh blindness! But um, uh thanks though, really.
[appears beside Taylor] What is taking so long? [takes a bite out of a taco]
She wouldn't take the charm.
[he spits out his food after hearing this] I knew it! I knew it! You came on too strong and blew it, didn't you?!
Dad, dad, chill okay? I'm not through yet. [cut to award table, Taylor enchants the medals using the charm]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [Loki appears beside Taylor as a floating head] Don't enchant ALL of the medals, okay? I'll be up to my neck in brats I am not running a day care center down here!
The charm only transports "magical" beings, dad! Remember?! Duh! [he walks away]
Duh?! You will watch your tone with me kiddo, I did not raise-! [gets hit with a volley ball] Hey, I am floating here!
[laughing] Well, well, well. Looks like my little boy's brought a friend home for dinner! Bring her to me, now!
Dad, listen, maybe there's another way.
Taylor Valhalla Evermore, did you just say what I think you said?!
Seriously, dad she's smart, she's funny, she plays guitar, she's totally wicked on a skateboard! ...I like her.
[under his breath] Of all the stupid, excuse me, do you not want to rule the world?! Hmm? Everyone who wants to rule the world raise your hand! Mine's up! [threatening Taylor] What about yours?
Go ahead, ground me for all I care! It's not like I ever do anything! Or have any friends! Nobody wants to hang out with you when your dad's the creepy, Dark-Lord of Deception! [mockingly] Ooh, I'm the evil tyrant of the underworld, and I'm so bad, I breathe fire, and I have the body of a snake, ooh fear me, ooh. [Loki hits Taylor with a lightning bolt] AUGH! Uh...
Yes son, snake body and lightning that shoots from my hand.
[shoots a lightning bolt at Loki] Leave her alone!!!
[starts to wake up] Uh, Taylor? [sees him shooting lightning bolts, thinking they're aimed at her] Oh, Marcus was right about you! [comes at Taylor, intending to punch him]
It's not what you think! [dodges Juniper's blow] Please June, stop. [dodges yet another blow] You gotta let me explain!
Oh sure, go ahead, tell me the whole sad story while I'm plastering you all over this cave like wallpaper!
Don't let her trash talk ya like that! Get her, son!
Loki? You're Loki's son?
Kind of.
Kind of? So you're not the spawn of captain evil over here?
Well I...
You haven't kidnapped me and popped me down to the underworld?
Yes, but I...
Or was just throwing lightning volts at me, and acting all nice like you liked me trying to give me presents? (Loki is getting bored of listening to them and starts opening and closing his hand like a mouth) No, you're just the son of the big honking demon god of lies!
Oh, enough already!
[getting out of his cage] Ahh, never send a boy to do a man's job.
Yeah, you're right. [gets ready to fight] Ya shoulda sent a girl.
[after Taylor locks him up in the cage] Taylor, son, I know I haven't always been the best of fathers but I'm ready to change all that. I want us to be closer, buddies, pals, amigos. Hey I know, whaddya say we go outside, throw the football around for awhile, maybe cook up some burgers!
Give it up, old man. [breaks the cage's chains, on the way down to the void he says goodbye] See ya, June.
That does it! No television for a century mister!!! [falls into the void]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Life and Times of Juniper Lee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
