LokiIf supergirl thinks a little something like BANISHMENT is gonna keep "The King of Lies" down, she's got a whole 'nother thing comin' babe! All daddy needs to skip-outta this joint, is another high-ranking magical being to take my place in this cell! And thanks to the fact that you inherited my devastating good looks, Juniper Lee's never gonna see our little scheme coming! NEVER! Remember, once you get her on desecrated grounds, give her the enchanted charm. THEN BING, BANG, BOOM! She is the one in the cage and the Big Man is out the world again! Think about it, kid. You and me, hittin' the open road, spreadin' terror and chaos! Hey! Maybe we could see Mt. Rushmore, hmm?
Yeah, I guess, but she seems, pretty cool.
Loki: Cool? Who's cool?
Loki
Whoa! Hold the phone, what did you just say cool? COOL?! ARE YOU OFF YOUR NUT?!
Look, dad, I'm just saying that-
Loki
That you've got a "thing" for the chick, who banished your father to the Netherworld?! I am so glad your mother's not around to hear you say that!
Loki
And I will banish you, too, young man if you don't watch your mouth! I am the one who brought you into the third-dimension, and I can take you out!
Right! Like you did to Uncle Teddy, Aunt Gloria, the pizza guy!
Loki
When I order a half-veggie, half-pepperoni pan pizza, I expect to get a half-veggie, half-pepperoni pan pizza! Okay we have one mission to accomplish in Orchid Bay city. One, and you will not be distracted by some superhero in a bellyshirt! Do you understand me, mister!? Do you?!
Loki
[appears beside Taylor] What is taking so long? [takes a bite out of a taco]
She wouldn't take the charm.
Loki
[he spits out his food after hearing this] I knew it! I knew it! You came on too strong and blew it, didn't you?!
Dad, dad, chill okay? I'm not through yet. [cut to award table, Taylor enchants the medals using the charm]
Loki
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [Loki appears beside Taylor as a floating head] Don't enchant ALL of the medals, okay? I'll be up to my neck in brats I am not running a day care center down here!
The charm only transports "magical" beings, dad! Remember?! Duh! [he walks away]
Loki
Duh?! You will watch your tone with me kiddo, I did not raise-! [gets hit with a volley ball] Hey, I am floating here!
Loki
[laughing] Well, well, well. Looks like my little boy's brought a friend home for dinner! Bring her to me, now!
Dad, listen, maybe there's another way.
Loki
Taylor Valhalla Evermore, did you just say what I think you said?!
Seriously, dad she's smart, she's funny, she plays guitar, she's totally wicked on a skateboard! ...I like her.
Loki
[under his breath] Of all the stupid, excuse me, do you not want to rule the world?! Hmm? Everyone who wants to rule the world raise your hand! Mine's up! [threatening Taylor] What about yours?
Go ahead, ground me for all I care! It's not like I ever do anything! Or have any friends! Nobody wants to hang out with you when your dad's the creepy, Dark-Lord of Deception! [mockingly] Ooh, I'm the evil tyrant of the underworld, and I'm so bad, I breathe fire, and I have the body of a snake, ooh fear me, ooh. [Loki hits Taylor with a lightning bolt] AUGH! Uh...
Loki
Yes son, snake body and lightning that shoots from my hand.
[shoots a lightning bolt at Loki] Leave her alone!!!
[starts to wake up] Uh, Taylor? [sees him shooting lightning bolts, thinking they're aimed at her] Oh, Marcus was right about you! [comes at Taylor, intending to punch him]
It's not what you think! [dodges Juniper's blow] Please June, stop. [dodges yet another blow] You gotta let me explain!
Oh sure, go ahead, tell me the whole sad story while I'm plastering you all over this cave like wallpaper!
Loki
Don't let her trash talk ya like that! Get her, son!
Kind of? So you're not the spawn of captain evil over here?
You haven't kidnapped me and popped me down to the underworld?
Or was just throwing lightning volts at me, and acting all nice like you liked me trying to give me presents? (Loki is getting bored of listening to them and starts opening and closing his hand like a mouth) No, you're just the son of the big honking demon god of lies!
Loki
Oh, enough already!
Loki
[after Taylor locks him up in the cage] Taylor, son, I know I haven't always been the best of fathers but I'm ready to change all that. I want us to be closer, buddies, pals, amigos. Hey I know, whaddya say we go outside, throw the football around for awhile, maybe cook up some burgers!
Give it up, old man. [breaks the cage's chains, on the way down to the void he says goodbye] See ya, June.
Loki
That does it! No television for a century mister!!! [falls into the void]
Loki
And from now on we're going to have some ground rules! Because as long as long as you're living under MY roof, you are going to do as I say!
I'm not under your roof dad, I'm on top of it! [jumps off the cage and starts to do the backstroke away from it]
Loki
Where do you think you're going?! Hey, don't you float away from me, mister man! We are not done talking yet! Void or no void, you've got a curfew! [Taylor kicks his legs with his hands behind his head away from the cage] Have your butt home by eleven!
The Life and Times of Juniper Lee · 2,336 quotes
