I know. I went too far. And what's worse: I LIKED it....because I'm angry at him...for leaving me...which isn't even REMOTELY fair because he sacrificed himself for us, but I'm still angry he abandoned me. Which makes me feel guilty which makes me angry WHICH MAKES ME wanna talk to Chidi because he's the person I go to when I'm angry. So...it's a real fun cycle.
I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad, angry when you should be happy and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but...it's-it's insane. The point is: in THIS case, even if it's not rational, you're ALLOWED to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it, work your way thorugh it, and then get your shirt together because we have a lot of work to do.
Okay, here's where I'm at: I just don't know if I can ever trust you. I'm gonna call the Judge, we'll start over. We won't have Chidi in the mix, but he'll be on our side again, which is almost as good.
I know, but if that's not Michael, he could sabotage us in ways we can't even perceive, and even if it is, I can't fully trust him, so every time something goes wrong, a little part of me is gonna wonder. We have to start over.
But then you might worry that I'd escape. I blow myself up, I'm out of your hair for good. Well...parts of me will be in your ACTUAL hair, but you get it.
Oh boy...this is gonna suck. Hopefully, I will see you all in a few months. Good luck. Oh, and make sure that you, uh, get all of me into the container, or I might come back, uh...way shorter and that would bum me out.
Listen, Jason, old friend, I already gave Eleanor and Tahani all their afterlife memories back. I haven't restored yours...f-for obvious reasons. But I think to maximize our chances of survival, it's time that you remember everything we've been through. Now prepare yourself. This might be intense.
I was afraid that you'd watch 300 years of memories and that would be your takeaway. Buddy, I did that to help you know what NOT to do. Impulse control is critical. Fight the urge to blow stuff up, even if you feel like we're in a jam. Got it?
Listen, Michael, it's okay to feel or plead guilty about bad things you used to do, but you don't have to feel shame about who you were because you're not a demon anymore. You're just like a nice, weird, happy old dude.
The ski trip, I mean, not the completely rigged hotness contest. All in all, it was the best we'd ever felt about the experiment. And then Brent did something...very Brentian.
Brent wrote this book and clearly, he put some of us in it. There's a cowardly character named Four-Eyed Igby who "wears glasses and sweater vests and never does anything spontaneous or cool". I am educating you in ethics. What could be cooler than that?
If you want to try something spontaneous, I'm your guy. Almost everything I did on Earth, I did without thinking or worrying about what would happen. That's how I got my nickname: The Defendant.
Not the best argument, but you're-you're right. What is something spontaneous that I can do right now? Let's come up with a list of ten possibilities and then slowly whittle it down over the next four days.
Me! I wrote it. The song is called, "I'll Love You Forever," parentheses, "(Make that Bootie Bounce in the Bath)". Oh, fun fact: the police sirens in the background are real. I was being chased as I recorded it.
For months, you and I have been debating: Are people good or bad? But as I watched those three people pick themselves up and dust themselves off, I realized we've been asking the wrong question. What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s your answer.
As you reach the end of your first year in the afterlife, what do you remember most? The everlasting friendships you made? The adversity you overcame together? The day everything was chocolate?
You only have a few hours left in your first year, so why not do as many amazing good deeds for other people as you possibly can by midnight, just in case?
So crazy that we're at the end of this thing and we have no idea how we did. Janet, any chance you could get a look inside that obelisk? Check that magic scoreboard?
I've been suspicious about this place since day one. Over the last few months, I've been collecting data, and now I am positive, something is truly forked up.
Here's what I know: Eleanor and Michael are up to something, and it's focused on us. I mean, there are, like, 300 people in the neighborhood, and somehow, they just spend all of their time talking to the six people in this room.
JJohn
Well, I mean, who else are they gonna talk to? "Dumb Shorts" Cathy?
