JJason
Isn't she the most beautiful mother you have ever seen?
GRAND...just GRAND.
S6 E19Even Grandmas Get the Blues
[Blanche walks in wearing a slutty medieval-esque costume]
Am I convincing?
As what, Ye Olde Town Slut?
[entering kitchen] Dorothy, when was the last time you had sex?
That's a very personal question.
That long, huh? Perfect. Then you shall be the Queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Ma, what are you talking about?
Once a year, the women of my village threw a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"
We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins in St. Olaf, too. Every year we'd go down to the lake and they'd be flopping around on the dock... Oh no, wait, that was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
What is wrong with you, woman?
I don't know what I'm gonna do about Jason. He's reached a point in his life where he's anxious to settle down, he wants us to have another child right away. Well frankly, I don't know if I want another baby so soon.
I understand. Wait a couple of years and... [starts to laugh] Medicare will pay for it.
Why wait? Have it now and the Enquirer will pay for it!
It's so unfair. We're both about the same age, but he can go on makin' babies the rest of his life. I feel like the Spruce Goose. People may visit, play with the controls, but I'll never really fly again.
[holding Aurora] Oh, what a good girl she was this mornin', she was just smilin' and smilin' and smilin'. I know sometimes it's just gas, but she was so cute.
[Sophia tugs on Dorothy's shirt and, when Dorothy looks her way, gives her a big, toothy smile.]
Ma, it's not cute anymore once you pass 80.
SSofia
Rose, before you bring in the sauce, tell us what ingredient you added.
Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise... I'll give you a hint: They're sugary and they're grrrrreat!
S6 E20Witness
I remember growin' up in Atlanta, how all of us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles and receive gentleman callers. It got to be like a competition. In fact, I once received seven callers in one evenin'.
I'm just thinking out loud, but, uh... isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is?
Coincidence.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do -- [walks into living room and sees Miles dressed in Amish attire] -- boy, you find out you're a Jew with a dilemma and these rabbis come out of the woodwork.
Rose...who is this?
Oh, this? This...this is...this is a friend...his name is Samuel Plankmaker. [to Miles] Samuel, these are my roommates. [to the others] Girls, you know Miles -- Samuel ! [grimaces] Shoot! Sorry...
I'm so sorry ladies, it's -- it's me! I was trying to play a trick on ya.
Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids.
[indicating Sophia, who is wearing a pair of dark glasses with prescription lenses because she lost her regular glasses] Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Orbison! Ma, where did you get those glasses?
They're an old pair of Pop's, but at least they've got prescription lenses.
I know you can't possibly see through them. Now take them off before you hurt yourself.
No, they're great, I see just fine... [Indicating Blanche] who's the black guy?
Well, I hate telling you this, Blanche... no, that's not true, I look forward to telling you this, Blanche. The woman your great-grandfather married was born, well, outside of Georgia.
How far outside of Georgia?
Buffalo. You're a Yankee, Blanche!
Oh no, this can't be!
A Yankee Doodle.
There must be some mistake!
You are that Yankee Doodle gal.
Oh, did I mention her last name was Feldman?
Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, that can't be. I can't be Jewish!
I'll be damned, the black guy is prejudiced.
S6 E21What a Difference a Date Makes
Dorothy, I thought you were going to make him suffer.
Oh and I will, tomorrow morning I'll tell him he's the worst lover I've ever had.
Where's my tuna quiche? You heard me, I said where's my tuna quiche? I get five ounces of solid food a day, and I want my tuna quiche!
You mean that little pie?
Little pie? Little pie?!
I wanted a snack.
A snack?!
I thought it was a little fishy.
[violently shaking Rose back and forth] Oh! You ate my sensible meal! You ate my sensible meal!
Blanche, stop, Blanche! You're out of control!
[coming to her senses] Oh my God! Oh Rose honey, I'm sorry! What did I just do?
[grabs Blanche's shoulders and shakes her] This!
Honey, we know dieting is hard, we've all been there. I remember the time Stan and I went on that "Weight Loss Through Sex" diet, the idea being every time you felt hungry you would substitute food with some sexual activity.
Did it work?
I gained 18 pounds!
[Blanche learns that Rose also drank her diet shake, in addition to eating her tuna quiche]
Oh shut up! Shut up you babblin' bobble-headed, bleached blonde...
Baboon!
Baboon! [storms out of kitchen and Rose glares at Sophia]
She needed a B.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.