What does one wear to a sperm bank?
Something attractive in rubber.
[pauses] ...I have that.
S5 E2The Accurate Conception
S5 E3Rose Fights Back
[to Enrique, the consumers reporter, on why she should get the production assistant job.] I am the battered consumer. I drive a Gremlin, for god's sake!
[the girls are testing different hair-removal products]
Dorothy, would you like to try this thing?
What is it?
Well, that wire vibrates and it's supposed to whisk hair away below the skinline.
I don't know whether I want to use this, it says it's gonna hurt.
Well, you can try it on your right leg and then use the hot wax on your left one.
Why don't we just set each other on fire?
Dorothy...
All right, all right. Let's see if they sent a bullet to bite on.
I remember when I started shaving. I was thirteen, and I wanted to shave because I was going to a movie with Alan Steckler, you remember him, Ma?
Small head, enormous lips.
Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving, I'd never be able to stop. I mean she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
I was right. By the time you were sixteen, I could grate cheese on your knees!
You know, a lot of those European girls don't shave under their arms.
Is that true?
They just let it all hang out.
Really?
Bushy as can be.
Well, what do they look like in a strapless dress?
Like Milton Berle, Rose.
S5 E4Love Under the Big Top
Blanche, you saw that dolphin, all tangled up in that tuna boat's net. Thousands of them die that way each year. We have to do something.
You're absolutely right. From this moment on, no more tuna fish.
Blanche, you hate tuna fish.
Alright, then no more tuna fisher... men.
S5 E5Dancing in the Dark
Rose, Miles called again. He wants you to meet him outside the concert hall.
I asked you to tell him I'm not going.
I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you, Rose.
Well, I don't wanna talk to him. He makes me feel foolish. I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories.
I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way.
Look, I'm not going out with him. You go, Blanche.
What?!
Well, you like him, I know you do. So you go.
Well, I couldn't!
Of course she couldn't!
You stay out of this, Dorothy.
Well, why not? It's all over between us. He'll know that tonight.
It's impossible. I'd feel like a... like a...
A backstabbing slut?
...No...
Please go. For me. I'll feel better knowing this thing is finally over with.
Well, since you put it that way. But only as a personal favor to you, honey. I guess I'd better go get dressed. [Blanche exits]
[to Dorothy] Can you believe that backstabbing slut?
Rose, you are not stupid, you just... march to a different drummer?
Yeah, the little wind-up monkey banging on the snare drum.
Ma!
I was agreeing!
[Rose runs off the lanai]
She sure left in a hurry.
Hey, who told her to feed me cabbage?
You're a college professor?
What did you think I meant when I said I taught Hemingway?
I thought you were old.
[to herself, after turning down Rose's invitation to the ballroom] I'd rather be tied to a tree, covered in honey, and have a family of grizzlies lick it off. ... [pauses for a few seconds, looking increasingly aroused] ...Why do I torture myself like this? [runs after Rose and Dorothy] Girls, wait for me!
S5 E6Not Another Monday
Hi, Ma. Hello, Martha. Where were you?
I'll give you a hint. The guest of honor had lipstick on her teeth and didn't give a damn.
Who died?
My best friend, Lydia.
I'm so sorry.
She suffered so. It was a blessing in disguise.
I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.
[the doorbell rings]
Oh, that must be the baby.
There's a baby coming?
A couple from my church are going camping over the weekend and we get to take care of the baby.
Good. Maybe now you'll get some food I can chew!
How about a cup of tea, Martha?
A little. I made a pig of myself at the funeral.
It was nice. Everybody had a good time.
I'm going to miss her so much.
I know. But you said yourself, the last few weeks were so hard on her. At least now she's resting peacefully.
I feel so bad.
Hey, I'm the one who should feel bad. Lydia and I were wearing the same dress.
BBartender
Hi. Can I get you ladies drinks?
I'll have a Manhattan and I'm watching, so don't slip me any of the cheap stuff.
I'll have another Harvey Wallbanger.
Seeing quite a bit of Mr. Wallbanger tonight!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.