If you will excuse me, Becky and I are having breakfast on the lanai. We're still bonding.
Dorothy, how come we never bond?
We're from before bonding and quality time. We're from when people stayed together because they had no choice.
“The Accurate Conception” · Season 5, Episode 2
In this episode: Blanche Devereaux (6), Dorothy Zbornak (5), Rose Nylund (3), Rebecca (3), Sophia Petrillo (2)
[in the sperm bank during Becky's doctor's appointment] What in hell are we doin' here? I feel like I'm in the middle of some awful dream, yet I know it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers.
Mother!
I just cannot believe you are actually going to give money to someone like this "sperm pusher!" You are a Devereaux, a Devereaux has never had to pay for it, I certainly haven't.
She's always depended on the kindness of strangers.
I got up early and did some research. There's a sperm bank not far from here.
How convenient.
No kidding do they have a drive up window?
Just last week, I was reading that you can buy the sperm of Nobel Prize winners. Or was it Star Search winners?
Buy? Well sperm used to be free, it was all over the place!
Well, Mama, I'm going to do this whether you like it or not.
Oh? Oh, I see, missy. So this is the thanks I get for all those cold nights when you were a baby crying, and I had to get up out of bed and grope around in the dark for my slippers and robe, make my way all the way downstairs and, scream for the governess?!! [storms off]
[enters kitchen and sees various plates of food laid out in front of Blanche on the table] Hungry or suicidal?
My little girl is going to have a baby by artificial insemination.
[Rose, Sophia and Dorothy all pause and stare at Blanche with shocked expressions on their faces.]
I just can't bear to think about it.
[More silence and shocked expressions.]
I'm just being silly, aren't I?
[Yet more silence and shocked expressions.]
For God's sake, someone say something!
[shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
[to Rose] Big help.
Dorothy, what about you? You're always the sensible one around here, the free, modern thinker who keeps up with the times. Now what do you think?
[shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
What does one wear to a sperm bank?
Something attractive in rubber.
[pauses] ...I have that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.