[backing against the front door after Dorothy leaves, and grinning wickedly at Blanche] Fasten your seat belt, slut-puppy! This ain't gonna be no cakewalk!
S7 E9Ro$e Love$ Mile$
Oh, I just wish Sophia were my mother... then I could put her in Shady Pines.
[on her idea to have Rose "cheat on" Miles] I have been giving it some serious thought, and I finally have come up with the perfect solution for your very sensitive problem with Miles.
What?
Cheat on him.
I can't cheat on Miles!
Well, maybe "cheat" isn't quite the right word. Just think of it as one night out with my rich friends from Texas.
Well, why isn't that cheating?
'Cause you're not gonna get caught. Come on, Rose, just think about it: a delicious dinner at an elegant restaurant, at night...
[pausing] You mean no coupons, Blanche?
No coupons, Rose.
Chefs who don't wear pirate hats?
I don't think so.
And he'll pay for everything, I don't have to leave the tip?!
That's right!
[singing happily] I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles, I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles!
[on her problems with Miles] Lately he's gotten, I don't know, really tight, and I hate it!
Oh? Well, I'm just the opposite. I love a tight man. A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could choke a bear... and a butt you could eat breakfast off of... then the two of us would... [pauses briefly, snaps back to reality] Rose, when did you get in?
Blanche, I've been here the whole time! I was telling you about Miles being tight!
Oh, I love a tight man! A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could---
No, tight with money! He's cheap!
Oh - tight with money? Dump him.
I feel so terrible about last night. I might have thrown away the perfect relationship, and for what?
Well, it's your own fault for cheating on Miles!
Blanche, it was your idea!
It's the execution, Rose. I said don't get caught.
I don't know what I'm going to do. What if he doesn't come back? What if I've lost him? What if I turn into a lonely old spinster and never find love again?
[laughs, engrossed in the funny pages] Oh, look! Garfield caught a fish!
S7 E10Room 7
You don't believe that Grammy's here, that she talks to me!
Of course I do, sweetheart. [imitating Blanche's grammy] Blanche, this is your grammy! Y'all get yourself out of here you dumb peckerwood!
Oooh, I heard it that time too! Feet don't fail me now! [flees the room]
It was hard enough lettin' go when Grammy died. The family had to sell Grandview and it got turned into an ol' bed and breakfast, but at least I could visit.
And have breakfast.
Thank you, Sophia.
Pancakes by the looks of it.
Thank you, Sophia!
[Shot of interstate highway at night]
[voiceover, singing The Name Game] Let's try it now with Dorothy. Dorothy Dorothy bo-borothy, bonana-fana-fo-forothy, fee-fi-mo-morothy...
[Sound of car screeching to a halt]
[voiceover] Get out, Rose.
Ma, I cannot BELIEVE what you were doing on the Interstate.
I was living for the day, pussycat.
YOU WERE MOONING A CHAIN GANG!
And did you see the looks on their faces?! They probably hadn't seen a woman in years!
I guess you're right; they kept up with us through four warning shots.
S7 E11From Here to the Pharmacy
[dictating her will to Rose] I, Sophia Petrillo, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my daughter, Dorothy Zbornak... [grins] NOTHING!
Sophia!
It's a joke, I'm kidding. Like when I said, "Sound mind and body."
Sophia, wills are no joking matter! Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!
What a terrible story.
[Rose nods]
[annoyed] I mean it - it's a terrible story! [calmer] But you must have been relieved when you won.
Oh yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak.
Ma, what are you doing up?
Disappointed, huh? If I'm up that means I'm alive, and if I'm alive it means you can't get your hands on my money.
What are you talking about?
You know about the will. You know if I die you'll be on easy street. What did you do, Dorothy, slip cyanide into my mouthwash? Ha ha, the joke's on you, I don't use it.
Oh Ma, come on, you're just being silly. [pours a cup of tea] Here, have some tea. [gets a mysterious, sinister expression on her face] It'll relax you.
Nice try, Dorothy. Rose, you taste it.
Rose, DON'T!!! ... [calmer] That tea was for my mommy.
You try to do right by your kids, and you end up as the lead story on Hard Copy!
As you know, my child, I'm getting on in years and I've decided it's time for me to settle my estate.
What estate, your loofah sponge and bus pass?
Don't forget the four gold teeth from when your father worked at the funeral parlor. "Perks" he called them. That's the kind of stock you come from, Dorothy.
I come from graverobbers?
I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding all those checks from Phil and Gloria while I've had to go without.
Well now, Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia for your sex life.
That's not what I'm talking about! But since you brought it up, yes, I can! If I'd had the money, I could have been living in a swinging condo instead of with... I'd better not say anything until I've had my coffee. [she takes a sip of coffee] ...A SLUT AND A MORON!!!
[Rose and Blanche both look hurt by Dorothy's words]
...I'm sorry, it must be decaf.
Dorothy, Rose is helping me make out an ironclad will.
Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?!
I know what I'm doing! Every Thursday I watch La Law.
That's "L.A. Law!"
I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent!
S7 E12The Pope's Ring
[Waving the Pope's ring over a glass of water on the living room table] WINE!
[Dorothy looks at Sophia strangely.]
Worth a shot.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.