What's going on?
Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.
Well, I can understand that; she is a big radio personality.
S7 E5Where's Charlie?
[on her father] I felt like there was something wrong with me, like he wasn't proud of me.
He was proud of you! In fact, I remember him saying, "Anyone would want a daughter like this." Of course, he was saying it to the gypsies.
[angrily] Look, I don't have to listen to this. Have you any idea how it makes me feel when you say things like that?!
No. After I'm dead, drop me a note.
S7 E6Mother Load
You know, I never had a sponge cake that was quite so......moist.
JJerry
Extremely moist.
The moistest.
I found the tea rather moist as well. [Dorothy gives her a look]
I can't be uncomfortable too?
So how was [your date], Blanche?
You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!
They went to a sleazy motel.
Or the colours of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!
She got him to pay for half the room.
Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!
That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.
S7 E7Dateline: Miami
[on Dorothy's good mood] If I know my Dorothy, there's only one thing that makes her this happy.
You're going back to Shady Pines?
No, you moron, she has a date!
[in a flashback scene] This is a nice place. Do you come here a lot?
JJohn
Oh, no, not really. I don't have much of a social life.
WWoman
[approaching table] So, this is where you bring your cheap fake-blonde floozies! John, you disgust me; and as far as I'm concerned, we're through. [storms off]
Who was that?
JJohn
My sister. I recommend the Poulet Véronique.
John, I have a rule; if I can't pronounce it, I don't put it in my mouth. Say, do they have gugenfrøtter?
PWPregnant Woman
[to John] Alan! Alan, please, talk to me! You haven't answered my calls, you don't answer my letters, Alan, please, what can I say? What can I do to get you back?
"Alan"?
JJohn
Nickname. [to pregnant woman] Susan, Susan, please, this is not the time or the place!
SSusan
It's me, isn't it! I've driven you away. What if I dyed my hair? [looks at Rose] I'd even dye it that color! If they still make that color.
JJohn
Susan, it's over and you have to accept that; and a word of warning: I haven't graded your final exam yet. [Susan leaves; to Rose:] So, shall we order separate entrees and share?
Hold it! Who was that?
JJohn
Okay, okay, so I've had a couple of bad relationships with women, that's not so unusual. Now, where is our waiter? ... Oh, waiter!
MWMale Waiter
[to John] Well, well, Peter! We just swing the way the wind blows, don't we? [looking at Rose] And who's this, Glinda the Good Witch of the North? You disgust me! After the way you've treated me, I should scratch your eyes out! [voice breaks] Call me!
JJohn
Poker buddy.
You know, I don't think this dinner was such a good idea.
JJohn
Now Rose, please don't leap to conclusions.
I'm sorry, John, but I think I'll just catch a cab---
JJohn
Rose, you're hurting my feelings. Believe me, this is not what it seems! John Patrick Anderson is a regular guy!
PPolice Officer
[to John] Shlomo Ziegler?
JJohn
Yes?
PPolice Officer
[handcuffing John] You're under arrest! Your days as the Freeway Flasher are over!
JJohn
I know what you're thinking, Rose, but you're wrong, and if I can make bail I'd love to see you tomorrow night.
I don't think so.
JJohn
May I call you? I get one phone call... [the police haul him away]
Man!
MWMale Waiter
[to Rose] I think we both need a hug!
[To Dorothy] Why would he want you when he's seen the promised land?
I don't know Blanche, too many squatters?
S7 E8The Monkey Show
[Sophia brings bags and shovel to the kitchen]
Ma, what you're doing?
This is for sandbags Dorothy, there's a hurricane a-coming!
A-coming?
That's right! People only use the A when a really big storm is a-coming or a-brewing, so grab a sack and start a-shoveling!
Ma, the weather report said nothing about a hurricane.
Ida Pearlberg down at the senior centre woke up this morning with a leg cramp. Need I say more?
YES!
Dorothy, when you get around my age two things happen. 1. you get more intuitive about the weather and 2. corn becomes your enemy!
Ma, even if there is a hurricane A-coming...
Don't patronize me!
I'm not patronizing you, I'm A-mocking you!
Look Ma, if there is a hurricane coming it's not gonna get here for a while so come on, sit down and relax.
[about Gloria]
She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.
[Stan holding his monkey made from a traffic cone]
Well, she's not getting mine!
She's not out of monkey, Stan; she's out of money!
Well, this is it! My last session with Stan and the psychiatrist. How do I look?
Oh, fine, why?
It's so hard to dress for a psychiatrist. You wear black, they think you're depressed. You wear red, they think you're angry.
You wear a negligee, they think you want to sleep with them.
Why aren't you arrested more?
In every relationship, there are always times when you don't wanna be with each other. I mean, Stanley and I went through a period where we had no marital relations at all. I totally cut off his sex.
You mean it grows back?
[sarcastically] Yes, Rose. He's a lizard!
[running a telethon by herself with only Blanche to man the phones] While Blanche is doing that, why don't I head on over to the piano? I'd like to sing you a song that I used to sing as a child. It's an old Minnesotan farm song entitled "I Never Thought I'd Grow a Hair There." [plays a piano intro, then sings] Oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, Oh what the hell is that...
Rose, we just got a pledge for twenty dollars.
Oh! Let's go to the tote board. Drum roll! [grabs drum sticks and plays a roll, then hits the cymbal. $20 comes up on the tote board.] We're off to a good start. OK, now where was I? Oh, yes! Where Hans first spots the hair. Oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa...
Rose! Rose, I just got a pledge for fifty dollars if you will stop singing.
[over the phone to Blanche] That's right. Fifty bucks if she stops singing, and I'll throw in another fifty if you slam the piano lid on her fingers.
Haven't you ever been glad when one of your relationships ended? Rose, how about that guy you dated last summer, don't you remember, the one who played Goofy at Disney World?
I remember the passion, yes.
Do you remember why it didn't work out?
It just didn't.
Right, but why not?
I don't want to talk about it.
Oh Rose honey, there's nothin' to be ashamed of.
He took off the Goofy head. [looks sad and pensive]
Took off the Goofy head. See? That's not so bad. [looks at Blanche and rolls her eyes]
So please call the number on your screen to donate. [555-GIVE]
And for that handsome guy in the red Corvette that I cut off on Highway 12 yesterday, well you can call my personal number that is flashing on your screen now. [555-EASY]
Well, before I go, I'd like to make one final plea. Now I know there is goodness in your heart and I know you want to give. Well I am ready to take anything you have to offer. Share with me!
SMStation Manager
M'aam, we've been off the air for 2 minutes.
I know it, I'm talking to Chester on camera 2. Share with me Chester!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.