[Sophia comes through the door just as Miles walks out]
Miles, I'm glad you're here, I need to talk to you --
[Rose walks through the house and out the door]
Rose, this is really important --
[Dorothy comes out of the kitchen and starts into the hall]
Dorothy, I can't breathe!
Not now, Ma! [pauses] Alright, but this better be important.
It depends. How important is...[shows Dorothy the ring] ...the Pope's ring?
[looking at the ring] Alright, Ma, squirt me in the face and get it over with.
[on learning that Rose had 56 boyfriends during her senior year of high school] If that were true, Rose, then that would mean you were... a slut.
Oh, come on, Blanche, how can you say that? So the woman had fifty-six boyfriends in one year. She's not a slut.
She is The Slut! She is the Grand Poobah of Slutdom! She is the easiest woman in this room!
Dorothy Zbornak, you take that back!
[indicating Blanche and then Rose] The Slut is dead, long live The Slut!
I'm looking through the personals to find myself a man. Remember what that is, Dorothy? It's an animal, kind of like a woman, except that it's got a...
MA! I know what a man is! But I tell you, I would never look for one through the personals. And you know why? Because I have standards, I have intelligence, I have class. And you know what else I have?
It's not self-awareness, that's for damn sure. Hey, listen to this: "Older gentleman seeks lady of refinement. I like moonlit nights, romantic Italian dinners, and waking up in the morning. If you're old enough to remember when Sinatra was skinny, please send letter and photo." This is the one, he's perfect! I've found myself a man!
[upset because she can't remember Thor] Boy, it's finally beginning to happen. I'm getting old and forgetting things, forgetting people who at one time were important to me.
Don't be ridiculous, you're as mentally fit as you ever were. We all are.
Oh, thank you... [stares at Sophia for a few seconds with a blank look on her face]
Any wonder we get nursing home brochures by the truckload?
SSarah
I'm just here to pick up Marvin.
Well, if it isn't Mrs. Caligula! Come on in and pull up a whip!
You two have a lot of explaining to do.
MMarvin
I'm sorry, Sarah. I told them we're married.
Why did you lie to my mother?
SSarah
We didn't mean to lie, we just wanted to make sure that Sophia was the right one.
Then it is true! You wanted my mother for sex games! Oh my god, this is unbelievable!
It's not that unbelievable.
Rose, could I see you for a moment?
[walks over] You're mad, aren't you?
Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show, this live show, this live show about lesbian lovers of Miami.
Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat The Price is Right!
Rose, we can't kill you here because there are cameras. Now how did this happen?
Oh, I don't know. They just said they wanted two women who loved each other and slept together.
We DO NOT sleep together!
Yes, you did! Last month, whe-, when Blanche was having her room repainted because the plaster behind her headboard all fell out!
Listen. I'm not going through with this!
Blanche, if you leave, they'll fire me!
Good. My mother is here. My teacher is here. Good!
If I lose my job, I won't be able to do anything but... sit home and tell St. Olaf stories!
Blackmail! Oh, ho, ho, ho, very smart!
Hey, they don't call me "Harold Goldstein" for nothing!
[aside, to Blanche] Maybe if we don't say anything. We're not on camera that much, I mean, we can't let Rose lose her job.
[The program begins]
NMNews Man
We're back. Let's meet our panelists... Dorothy, a lesbian. Blanche, another lesbian. And Pat and Kathy, image consultants.
How come THEY'RE not lesbians?
PPat
We don't believe in labels.
NMNews Man
Oh - I see we have a question from the audience. Yes, sir?
MIMan in the Audience
Are there male-female roles in the relationship?
Well, I AM the little homemaker if that's what you mean. [laughs nervously]
[pissed] Now, wait a minute, just w...
...and I take out the garbage.
NMNews Man
Fascinating. Any other questions? Ah, here we go.
[pointing at Blanche] This is directed to Dorothy's lover. Do people treat you differently because you're a lesbian?
[laughing nervously] Most people don't know.
Really? I would've guessed right off. Next question to Dorothy. What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
[menacingly] I really don't know but, I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at... THE HOME.
[enters the kitchen] Dorothy, I just got off the phone with my girlfriend Gladys. She thinks you can do better than Blanche.
I agree, but Ma, if it's all right with you, I have a lot of work to do here.
I can't believe you're still working on that article! I thought you were just going to help organize it.
I can't believe you're doing this again. You're letting him take advantage of you like he did in high school.
He is under a lot of pressure and I don't want him to kiss his deadline! [weird looks from everyone] Miss. Miss his deadline.
Ooooh, Mr. Gordon! [makes kissing sounds]
