All right girls, I want to present Blanche Devereaux's latest creation... I took an 84-year-old woman and made her look like a 65 year old drag queen! Then I said to myself, "Blanche, too much rouge."
S6 E10Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...Before They Die
What if I got gorgeous for nothing? What if Tony doesn't even notice me?
Well, that's his hard luck. There are other fish in the sea.
Yeah, and all the ones my age are floating on the top!
Now Ma, remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
I think I crossed that line when I got a date.
I hope you're ready for a swell time Rose.
[Who has to stay celibate until water comes in St Olaf ] Sure just give me a minute. [Goes to Blanche] What if he wants to go back to his place?
Tell him you have a lot of work to do at home.
I don't wanna lie.
When you get home I'll make you clean out the garage.
Thanks Blanche, I owe you one.
S6 E11Stand By Your Man
[deceitfully posing Sophia as her grandmother] Having a chaperone is an old Southern tradition. Grammy brought me up since I was a child. She's the one who taught me how to put up peach preserves and make my own clothes.
We was po'.
TTed
Blanche, you didn't strike me as the type who needed a chaperone.
Well as I said, it's a tradition. We Southern families stick together.
We sho' do.
All right, WHO or WHAT ate the heel off of one of my new red pumps?!
[attempting to take the blame for Bingo] I did.
[posing as Blanche's grandmother] Well, mercy me! Looks like my little magnolia just turned into a big ho.
Now, let me get this right - dinner at your place tonight. What kind of girl do you think I am, and how could you tell so fast?
[on Rose and Bingo] Oh, great. We've gotta live with a sad-eyed, hyperactive nuisance with the intelligence of a squeaky toy. And now she's got a dog!
[to Dorothy] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
What favors?
[to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
I don't owe you any favors!
Oh, really? "But officer, the little old lady was with me; she couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe!"
It'd be an honor to serve.
Rose, we have to talk. Now look, the food dish is overturned, there is a hole in the newspaper, the potted palm out in the hallway has been dug up. I cannot live like this!
Dorothy, please, please don't send me away, I'll try harder!
I'm talking about the dog.
Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two twenties out of your purse.
Maybe you don't know the fun you can have with a pet. Have you ever actually had one?
Well, of course I had a pet. Remember, Ma, I was six years old and I wanted a pony?
Not the pony thing again!
She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus, you know, the kind that you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
And that was your pet???
They're very clean!
Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one. Which I believed, because, why would a mother lie? So every day I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life, and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
How does a paper bird die?
Good question! Someone used it to restart the pilot light.
S6 E12Ebbtide's Revenge
Dorothy, I never understood why your brother liked to wear women's clothes, unless he was queer.
Sophia, people don't say "queer" anymore, they say "gay."
They say "gay" if a guy can sing the entire score of Gigi. But a six-foot-three, 200-pound married man with kids who likes to dress up like Dorothy Lamour, I think you have to go with "queer."
We just have to remember, it's not the clothes that make the man; it's the man who makes the clothes ... Oh God, he looks like he died in a Benny Hill sketch!
Seems like I'm always mad at my brother Phil. I was mad the day my parents brought him back from the hospital. I thought he'd take their love away from me, and instead their love expanded and we felt more like a family. I was mad at him when I was ten and he was four, and we moved to a new neighborhood. I was mad because he always made new friends more easily than I did. And I'm mad today, because I never wanted to give the eulogy at my kid brother's funeral. I'm mad because he died, he didn't have the wisdom to know that family members shouldn't allow themselves to grow apart, because when this day comes, they can no longer tell each other how much they care. If he'd had that wisdom, he could've shared it with me and I would've known the hundreds of memories I have of just the two of us, eating ice cream on the stoop of our building, or going through the drawers at Grandma's house, or dressing up like the Bronte sisters. How those memories fill me with joy! Why didn't you have that wisdom, Phil? Why didn't you give us a chance to tell you how much we loved you?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.